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Financial Abuse, Economic Coercion and Creating Safety by Design

Financial Abuse, Economic Coercion and Creating Safety by Design

What if financial abuse isn’t a hidden issue, but a structural one?

This episode includes discussion of domestic and family violence.

On the Power Of Women Podcast, Di Gillett sits down with Catherine Fitzpatrick – former bank executive turned social entrepreneur and Founder of Flequity Ventures, to understand how financial systems can be weaponised and what it truly means to design safety into products, services and policy.

With more than two decades across banking, government, ASX-listed companies and regulation, Catherine has led national reforms that are reshaping how institutions respond to – and prevent – financial abuse.

This is not theory.
This is reform grounded in evidence and lived experience and we all need to hear it.

 

➡️ In this conversation, we explore:

  • Why financial abuse is often the central mechanism of coercive control
  • How everyday products: bank accounts, insurance, utilities, can be misused
  • The chilling rise of abusive micro-transactions and digital monitoring
  • What “safety by design” looks like inside major institutions
  • Why over 60 organisations have now adopted financial abuse terms into their fine print
  • The role men can and must play in disrupting abuse
  • The financial questions every woman should be able to answer without hesitation

 

➡️Key learnings:

Financial abuse is structural, not just personal

Prevention must be built into products

Financial literacy now includes financial safety

Every woman should know where her name sits financially

 

Support [Australia]:

  • If you or someone you know is affected by domestic and family violence, contact 1800RESPECT, the national service for free and confidential counselling, information and support. Call 1800 737 732 or chat online 24/7 at www.1800respect.org.au
  • If you or someone you know is an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander person in need of a culturally safe support line, you can call 13YARN (13 92 76)
  • In an emergency, or if you are not feeling safe, always call the police on 000
📖 Read the full transcript of this conversation here 👇

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (00:02)

I’m Catherine Fitzpatrick. a former bank executive turned social entrepreneur. I believe that safety isn’t accidental and nor is equity. Both of them are designed. I work with businesses, industry, government and regulators around the globe to show them how domestic abusers are misusing everyday products and services and how safer design can close those loopholes.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (00:32)

What if financial abuse isn’t a hidden issue, but a structural one? And what if it isn’t about bad actors, but about systems that lack safeguards? And then what if the most powerful form of prevention actually starts in their design? Today’s conversation is about the money we don’t talk about because as we know, money is often a taboo topic. The risks women aren’t taught to look for and the systems that need to change.

 

I’m Di Gellert and this is the Power of Women podcast. And my guest today has an extraordinary depth of understanding in this particular topic, both intellectually and structurally. Catherine Fitzpatrick has spent more than two decades inside Australia’s most powerful institutions, banking, government, ASX listed companies, and not-for-profits and media. And she’s seen up

 

close how financial systems can either protect people or in fact be weaponized against them. She’s led national reforms, advised regulators and governments and now as the founder of FLEQUITY Ventures is reshaping how financial products, services and policies are designed with safety at their core. Catherine doesn’t speak about financial abuse from theory. She speaks from evidence reform.

 

and lived proximity to harm. And given the abuses are ever present in society, conversations such as this one are essential. Catherine Fitzpatrick, welcome to the Power of Women podcast.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (02:16)

Thank you. I’m really excited to be having this conversation because not many people know about financial abuse, but also people don’t quite understand how products and services, everyday ones, are being manipulated to cause the harm. So I’m really excited to dive into that with you.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (02:33)

Fabulous and I think what I’d really love to be able to achieve for the listeners is highlighting the different forms in which it takes and some strategies to help put in place some of the safeguards for women in particular. But at the same point I want to touch on, because I know your passion about it, what men can do to help.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (03:00)

Yeah, there’s so many things that we can do individually, but also if you’re working in an organisation where you might not have seen before what’s going on, once you see it, you can’t unsee it. And so you feel compelled to do something. And I think it’s been a real awakening for me when I first saw this happening.

 

quite a number of years ago and then for everyone I talked to the light bulb switches on and you just have to do something.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (03:32)

Brilliant and that’s exactly what you’re doing. So when people hear the term financial abuse, so many people think that’s kind of secondary to physical or emotional abuse. But from your perspective, is financial abuse a central mechanism of control?

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (03:56)

Yes, absolutely. Financial abuse is when someone uses money or access to money to control or manipulate another person. And it is something that can happen very quietly by stealth over time. And it can be a precursor to physical violence or it could occur alongside physical violence. We know that financial abuse happens in

 

more than 90 % of cases where there are physical violence is being used, it is a form of domestic abuse. It is, and it is something that we know that financial abuse can often, or is most often accompanied by harassment and monitoring and tracking, which we’re seeing a lot more of.

 

as we’re moving to this digital society. ⁓ And it’s quite often what keeps women, mainly women, but not just women, trapped in a relationship that is really abusive and controlling and manipulating because they don’t have the means to leave, they don’t have the means to start again. And ⁓ we know from fantastic research that Anne Summers has done that it can often mean

 

a choice between violence or poverty.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (05:27)

neither of those are palatable. yeah. So you’ve said people don’t just weaponize ⁓ behavior, they weaponize products and services. Can you explain what that really looks like when we’re talking about banking, utilities, insurance, all of those points of financial engagement that we have ⁓ with institutions?

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (05:55)

Absolutely. So if I talk a little bit more, I never want to excuse the behaviour of the person who is exerting control through access to money. So what this could look like in a relationship is that it could be limiting a partner’s access to money unless they do what you say. It could be tracking or challenging every dollar that they spend.

 

until they give up trying and they’re solely dependent on you. It could be belittling ⁓ your ability or their ability to manage money and until they just believe you, I’m so bad with money and they beg that you will take it over.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (06:39)

So money’s weaponized, it’s a psychological drip feed.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (06:44)

Absolutely. And it could also can be criminal, right? It could be racking up debt in somebody else’s name without their knowledge or consent. ⁓ And that’s done so that they can never leave, so that they can’t start again and so that they’ll regret breaking up with you if they do end up being able to leave that situation. ⁓ What we do know is that unlike physical violence, financial abuse often involves

 

the misuse of a product or a service ⁓ or a system. What do I mean by that? So in banking, it could look like racking up debt in somebody else’s name, taking out a credit card because you know enough about that person to be able to open it within minutes online without their knowledge and use that credit card and rack up that debt.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (07:39)

How would you know that’s happened, Catherine? Would you have any idea?

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (07:43)

It’s really awful, but a lot of people don’t know what’s happened until it’s happened multiple times and they’re tens of thousands of dollars in debt. A way that you can make sure you’re keeping an eye on that, which is something we should all be doing in any case because of the rise of scams, is check your credit report. It’s free and you can do it online and some banks also will allow you to do it in their apps. But you can go online

 

check your credit report and you can see what debts you have. And I know I’ve looked at it, you know, in over the years and I do make sure I do it about twice a year. You can look at it and you can see, hang on a second, I never applied for this or there’s a credit card here that I didn’t know about. We’re seeing fraudsters do that all the time. So you need to be a bit hot on it too because one, there’s debt in your name.

 

to if that if you don’t pay it or if the person doesn’t pay it if they’re a criminal they’re not going to that liability puts a black mark on your credit score and that means if you got to apply for another loan or even if you’re applying for buy now pay later that with you you are and it

 

damages your score and then it impacts on your ability to get on with your own life. So it’s quite a bit to unpick it. So you should be taking a look at that. The other products that are weaponized, so I’ve done for the last three years, I’ve been writing what I call the perpetrator playbook for business. And it’s basically documenting the ways that abusers are misusing products and services. Not as a how-to guide, because they’ve actually already got it, but it’s.

 

how businesses could intervene, guide.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (09:36)

that, preventative strategy.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (09:39)

It is,

 

it is. so other examples would be in insurance. There were two big things that came through ⁓ research, which and ⁓ speaking to victim survivors. One is that if you have a joint policy with somebody, a lot of times you can change that policy online. It’s really simple to do that or with a really simple phone call. But

 

quite often the joint policy holder is not alerted to those changes. why? Yeah, it’s basically because insurers have taken the friction out of the system, which is really fantastic, right? You can do…

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (10:20)

There’s an upside and a downside to that. I mean, if your partner’s passed away? So there’s the upside, however.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (10:27)

However, if you are in an abusive situation, what we know is that abusers may cancel an insurance policy or change it without the co-insured knowing. I spoke to one woman ⁓ for my paper on general insurance who said that she didn’t know that the home insurance was cancelled.

 

until her ex-partner threatened to burn the house down with her and the children inside it.

 

And when she discovered that she was no longer insured to add salt into the wound, they had repaid the premium into his account, even though she’d been paying for it for many years. one of my recommendations was. insurers need to change the system and put a bit more friction into that. I’ve been really pleased. In fact, my own insurer, I saw a notification

 

saying that if you do make some changes we will notify the co-insured to make sure everyone’s happy with that. ⁓ Fantastic.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (11:37)

Yeah,

 

no surprises.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (11:41)

Yeah and I think

 

it does and there are really simple things like that that different organisations can do. Other examples just from everyday accounts, I looked at energy and water last year. Who would have thought your electricity account could be manipulated? The same with your

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (12:00)

I that’s something that I wouldn’t even think about as being at risk. So what happens there?

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (12:07)

It basically anywhere, any type of service where it’s a joint account, so it’s in more than one name, or where there is credit or debt that’s related to it. So if you’re getting billing from an electricity provider or an energy provider or a water provider, they’re in effect giving you credit and you need to pay that back, right, when you pay your bill. So we know that debt is the weapon of choice for financial abusers.

 

what they will do is not pay it ⁓ and then leave that debt in your name. ⁓

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (12:46)

We

 

saw quite frequently. the ⁓ non-provision of that service in that being turned off.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (12:55)

Potentially water doesn’t get turned off but they might slow it but electricity certainly gets turned off. absolutely. The other thing that we see with any joint accounts or any online services and it doesn’t matter what kind of service it is, is that it’s really easy if you know enough about somebody to get in login to their account and see what they’re doing.

 

which means that abusers are using online access to monitor and to surveil their partner or ex-partner. And I can give you an example of this ⁓ where in banking where I used to work in a couple of Australia’s major banks, when you have an account, you can see who’s spending money where. A number of the banks have also got these really

 

great fraud protection, which is an alert whenever your account has some money taken out of it. When it’s a joint account and those alerts go to more than one person, or if it’s a credit card and they’re going to the primary credit card holder, and we know most of the time that is the male partner in a relationship and the female partner has a secondary card, the alerts might go to somebody.

 

and they can see what’s happening in that account. And if it’s a relationship where there is abuse, ⁓ then, or violence, then they can monitor what is happening. So, you know, taking money out at the ATM, for example, ⁓ or put it, squirreling money away so that you can flee that unsafe relationship, ⁓ that can all be monitored.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (14:45)

That’s that’s goosebumps stuff because it’s so ⁓ unexpected. It’s so easy to have somebody actually monitoring your movements and presumably that in the same way if you’ve moved that gives them access to your address and all sorts of other details that could leave somebody extremely vulnerable.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (15:13)

Yeah, most businesses have built their systems and their products and their services as if every relationship is healthy and that there isn’t any violence in it. Which means that the systems are built when that two people are enmeshed and they’re not necessarily being able to manage that account as if they’re two individuals in the one account.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (15:39)

That’s

 

a great example to understand what’s going on.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (15:43)

Yeah, and so if you think about it, the systems are built like that. I’ve worked inside big organisations. It’s millions and millions of dollars to unpick those systems. I joke about it, it’s a bit facetious, but I have said, you know, we’ve built the systems around the patriarchy and unpicking the patriarchy is really expensive.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (16:00)

Yes,

 

yep kind of heard that somewhere before.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (16:04)

Yeah, that’s right. Yeah. I want to give you, yeah, I also just want to give you probably the example that crystallized things for me when I said, when I really understood how products and services are being weaponized was in 2019, I worked for Australia’s biggest bank, Commonwealth Bank, and I had set up a specialist team supporting

 

customers experiencing vulnerability and particularly we had a focus on people experiencing domestic abuse and also people experiencing problem gambling. And when I visited the team I was talking to them about the kinds of things they were doing to help our customers and one of them showed me in the account of a woman that she was helping these deposits into that account from the ex-partner.

 

and they were one cent at a time. And in the transaction description, you know where we would write, thanks for dinner, we might write the invoice number, we might say happy birthday. There were messages of abuse. And then I spoke to the team and I said, ⁓ is this happening all the time? Have you all seen this? And they said, yeah, we see it all the time. And it’s really chilling.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (17:12)

Yep.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (17:27)

when also we see the messages saying, love you, I want you back. It’s like a secret. It was. And so I had a team of data scientists and I said to them, can you just take a look at this and see what you can find? We’d only had one complaint to the bank about this, but they did ⁓ analysis and they looked through 11 million transactions in a three month period. And what they found was 8,000

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (17:33)

S.I.G.S.S.S.S. ⁓

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (17:57)

really serious forms of abusive messages. I read one, 900 messages, one cent at a time, it cost the abuser $9. It included messages like, I’m out the front, I can see you, I want to kill you, I want to kill them all.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (18:18)

What do do with that?

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (18:20)

Well,

 

when my team showed me first of all, I burst into tears and just said, I can’t believe this is happening. How awful can

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (18:27)

people be.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (18:30)

I still get goosebumps because it was just something so unexpected. We hadn’t been looking for it. didn’t know about it.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (18:39)

patterns.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (18:46)

It is mind blowing and so that’s when I met, so we talked to a lot of people with lived experience, we talked to the women’s safety sector, to consumer advocates and also the e-safety commissioner and she said, well why don’t you apply safety by design? And so we mapped a whole lot of interventions that we could have done, 52 possible interventions and the first one was we need to detect these patterns, we need to

 

block the abuse of messages and we started doing that. I took this evidence to all the banks and all the banks in Australia have now moved on this. The majority of them have got blocks in place. More than a million abusive messages have been blocked in real time. Not by stopping the money but masking or sending a message to the person who’s trying to send the abuse to say you’re not allowed to do it anymore.

 

and you have to change the message. A number of them have got artificial intelligence and they’re monitoring the pattern and then they’re writing to the sender, yeah, they’re writing to the people who are sending it and they’re saying, we can see you, you’ve got to stop. And what we know is that more than 90 % of people who get those warning letters stop sending the messages.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (20:08)

Who would have thought a, I mean, we’ve got a heightened alert to high value transactions being the problem. Who thought these nondescript one and two cent transactions could be carrying as much danger?

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (20:25)

That’s right. And could you imagine receiving those messages, especially if you had those alerts and it was popping up all the time, like just it’s another form of control and fear and intimidation. ⁓ Some people had written in it, unblock me from Facebook. It was like the last resort. But now the banks are watching and they’re doing something about it. And I think that that’s it’s a really fantastic ⁓ example of.

 

We didn’t see it, we didn’t understand it, but once we started looking at it, everyone was saying, we can’t walk past this, we’ve got to do something about it. So that’s what’s really inspired my work.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (21:05)

I can imagine. mean that’s a, that is such a significant example that most people wouldn’t even think could happen.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (21:15)

Exactly.

 

We also see it on higher value transactions like child support and those sorts of things. It’s just, it’s awful. People can be awful to everybody.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (21:25)

Wow. So you’ve led, and that leads into this question because you’ve led reforms such as this. What actually shifts when an organisation stops saying, you know, how do we respond? And to this point, start actually baking it into preventative processes in their systems in the first places. Are there more examples like that?

 

or examples that haven’t necessarily taken place but should take place.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (22:01)

Yeah, there’s a very long list, I’m also really pleased that lots of people are, you know, I’m pushing on open doors having these conversations, which I think is really exciting. So what I would say is most organisations and most businesses will start with when they think about domestic abuse, they start with how do we support our colleagues who might be experiencing domestic abuse?

 

How do we give them time out when they need it? How do we help them with their safety? So that is absolutely the right place to start. Look after your colleagues. A number of organisations are also saying, ⁓ we also need to think about our colleagues who are using violence and abuse because we know that it is so prevalent in our society and every…

 

every person I talk to, whether it’s in business, in my personal life, in government, in regulators, everyone knows somebody who is impacted by domestic abuse, whether they were a victim or they are a victim, whether they are using violence, whether they grew up in a house or they know children who are also experiencing abuse. So this is something that touches everybody. So in your workplace, you’ve got to think about

 

people who are both experiencing and using.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (23:29)

saying that, I was thinking, actually I don’t, and then I’ve just gone, actually I do. It’s quite a challenge to actually think that through your own personal lens.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (23:36)

Yeah. Yeah.

 

Yeah, and you know, you will also know people even if they never disclose to you.

 

because they’re living with it and they’re deeply ashamed whether they are using violence or they are living in that fear. ⁓ So it is just so prevalent in our society and just so many people I talk to, they know someone or as we start talking about financial abuse, they’re realizing, I’ve got a friend or even this is happening to me actually.

 

⁓ I think that’s why this conversation is so important and why I’m just so up for having it all the time. So that’s where most businesses will start. They’ll start with their workplace and that’s absolutely the right place. Then they move to customers. So if you are a B2C business ⁓ and you’re supporting customers, there will also be victim survivors who are saying, this is happening to me, can you help me?

 

And banks are one of those places where people quite often go to first and in fact there’s research that shows women are more likely to talk to their bank about economic abuse than they are to go to a specialist service. It is and why is that? Because I want to set up a safe account so that I can leave. I need to disentangle from the abuser and I need to start again. And if you don’t have money you don’t have choices.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (25:02)

Isn’t that interesting?

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (25:18)

I think that that’s a really critical role for banks, but it is also for other organisations as well. then people will think about that from their customer service perspective and they’ll say, what do I need to do if someone tells me they need help? How can I help them? Quite frequently it’s because they can’t pay a debt. What my work is doing and where we’re now seeing this shift is

 

actually are our products and services inadvertently enabling this abuse? And I gave you those examples. So yeah, if you don’t have friction in the system, it will be exploited and it is being exploited. Whoa, we didn’t mean for that to happen. So what do we do about it? So it’s like we have these conversations and these people in business are going, I’ve never seen it like that before. That’s not why I’m here in business.

 

That’s not what we’re here to do. We’re here to serve our customers. So, okay, we can start treating this like a risk management process and start closing those gaps. So I gave you the example about the abuse in payment descriptions. And so that’s been a very comprehensive one. ⁓ And then we also know that, say, I can give you an example from insurance. ⁓ A number of insurers have now

 

in what’s called a conduct of others clause. Now I feel like the world’s biggest feminard, I read terms and conditions all the time right? Join me feminards unite. But it is it’s really important to have look at what’s in the fine print. We’ve just done about 200 or so.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (27:06)

I

 

been working on for long and realised that my car for the last three years has been insured as a diesel when it’s a petrol so sometimes it’s not even the really fine print but…

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (27:17)

It’s so

 

important, it’s really important you need to read it particularly in insurance where you know a claim can turn on where a comma is placed basically. So in insurance there is most insurance products have got a term that’s called ⁓ malicious damage and there’s an exclusion. What that means is if I deliberately smashed up my television

 

I can’t go and claim it and say, thanks, I’d really like a television. In an abusive situation, it might be someone who lives in the house or who’s invited to the house and they may damage property or destroy property as part of a domestic abuse situation.

 

Yeah, and because of the malicious damage exclusion, what we know is that victim survivors are then penalised again because they can’t claim. So they’re getting the abuse, the violence and then the financial penalty, they don’t have the protection that they thought. So a number of insurers have started introducing what’s called a conduct of others clause. And what that means is that

 

If those kinds of situations happen, it could also happen where someone has a mental illness and they are causing property damage as well during an episode, the insurer is now saying, well actually we’re going to take that into account and we might pay out on a claim that otherwise would be denied. So that’s a fantastic

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (28:57)

These are fantastic clothes.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (28:59)

It is. so I would be checking and asking your insurer, do you have a conduct of others?

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (29:06)

You know what

 

I’m doing after this podcast, I’m going to do a deep dive because I’ve got a home insurance policy coming up for renewal. I’m going to do exactly that. And I would challenge anybody listening to this to do the same.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (29:19)

Yeah, you absolutely should. A number have got them, but not everyone has. It was a recommendation of a big parliamentary inquiry a couple of years ago that every insurer should do it. So do ask your insurers about it. It’s really important. Another example, and I know I’m going deep into ⁓ nerd territory, feminine territory.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (29:43)

What other fine print have you read?

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (29:45)

So

 

there’s another one. In 2022 when I wrote my first Design to Disrupt paper I made a recommendation that every bank and then subsequently every company should put in their terms financial abuse is a really serious problem. If you misuse our products for financial abuse there will be consequences. It could be that we warn you, it could be that we suspend you, we might close your account.

 

or might even report you to law enforcement.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (30:17)

the do not smoke warning.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (30:19)

Correct. put it out there. Exactly. Yeah. It’s also the same as after September 11. Yes. We know we cannot joke about terrorism and get on a plane. Yep. So this recommendation is not about saying I’m going to close every, we want to close everyone’s account. It’s actually about saying, is the standard we expect. This is what respect looks like. We don’t want to inadvertently enable your abuse. So if you do it,

 

You can’t be part of our organisation. Nowhere had ever done that before in the world. ⁓ And I launched it. No one had done that in this context around financial abuse. By the first, after the first year of advocating for that with the Centre for Women’s Economic Safety, and we partnered on my first paper, 14 banks had moved on that recommendation, which was terrific.

 

And so last, no, gosh, doesn’t time fly. In 2024, I launched a campaign called Respect and Protect, which was to encourage every organisation to do that. There’s now more than 60 companies that have those terms. They range from banks to insurers to energy to water to there’s a fintech startup in their education. There’s health insurance.

 

There’s a lot of different organisations that are embracing this. That is a safety by design measure and it’s really putting perpetrators on notice. This is a standard of behaviour that we don’t accept, we don’t tolerate, we don’t want you to weaponise our products. A bank account, an insurance account is no place for abuse if you do it there’s consequences.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (32:13)

We have a lot to thank you for, Catherine.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (32:16)

Well, I have a lot to thank survivors who have entrusted me with their stories and people who work in the sector who have been doing this for decades for spending time with me and helping me to understand what is going on. think my superpower is that

 

I’m the translator. I’ve been working inside corporates for such a long time that I know this is a policy change, a procedure change, a process. Does it require training? Is it in risk management? I can use all the nerd words and the words inside an organisation that help to translate it into practical action.

 

And I think that’s why, and I also think people genuinely want to help and they don’t know what to do. So here’s a bit of a toolkit, the financial safety by design toolkit I call it.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (33:11)

Well coming up we’re going to talk about the warning signs women often miss, the financial questions women should be able to answer and why more men are stepping forward and asking to help.

 

If you’re loving the Power of Women podcasts, be sure to jump onto our YouTube channel and hit that subscribe button to ensure you never miss an episode.

 

Catherine, in recent months you’ve been talking about the fact that men have been reaching out and asking, what can I do to help? What do you think is actually prompting that and is that actually helping the work that you do?

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (33:57)

Yeah, absolutely. It’s funny, I have been doing this work for a number of years and it’s always been with the support and leadership of fabulous men and women ⁓ who are just, who like me, think that this is an issue that we all need to tackle.

 

What I think is really hard is it’s hard sometimes to know where to start. It’s a violence against women and financial abuse is part of that is such a big problem that it can feel really overwhelming. And I have found a number of people have also said to me, I don’t want to get it wrong. What if I do the wrong thing? What if I make it worse for that person? ⁓ And

 

What if I say the wrong thing? First of all, you are going to say the wrong thing probably. want to tell you know, more than 30 years ago, I was a young journalist. That’s how I started my career. Much younger. And ⁓ I met a woman. But I met a woman who meeting her has impacted me profoundly.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (35:11)

Stampiness.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (35:22)

We were the same age, her name’s Anne O’Neill. ⁓ She had suffered a terrible, terrible crime and she’d lost both of her children. She was wounded for life and I was the first journalist to ever speak to her. ⁓ And I asked her a question that is so often on many people’s lips, right? I said, what did you do? Because I couldn’t fathom.

 

that this person could do something. Like, it’s like, you must have provoked him, right? Was going through my head. And she said to me, Catherine, it wasn’t what I did. This was what he did. And I just felt mortified. And she explained to me.

 

with her really quiet and unassuming and very gracious way how domestic abuse works. And it’s never the victim’s fault. And it’s never something that they’ve done. It’s a person making a choice to use violence, intimidation, technology, finance to control another person. And so what I say to people when they ask me,

 

you know, when they say I’m worried about getting it wrong is you may not use the right words, but if you believe somebody when they are telling you this is happening to me, that’s the place to start. And a lot of the men who I talk to are in positions of power. And so they have the ability to set the tone in their organization about gender equality. And they also have the position of power.

 

to lead change, is ⁓ flushing out this issue, having discussions about it, not with blame, but having a really uncomfortable conversation, and it is uncomfortable, but stepping into it and making sure that your workplace is a safe place and making sure your products and services are safe. The more organizations that do that, the better. It’s why last

 

my goodness, it’s beginning of 26. So end of 2024, ⁓ I co-founded with a not-for-profit thriving communities Australia, Australia’s business alliance against domestic and family violence. It’s called One Generation. There’s seven corporates from across different sectors that are all part of it. And our aim is to get to understand what will help victims survivors when they are your customers.

 

so that everyone can do more of that.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (38:08)

So this is a B2B platform. Sorry, a B2C platform.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (38:11)

It is.

 

So it’s basically there are seven corporates drawn from different sectors. They are part of the One Generation Alliance and our aim is to, we’re just working on lived experience research to understand if you have a customer who is experiencing domestic abuse, what is going to serve them the best? What are the things that you need to do? Because we know not everyone’s doing it and they’re not doing it well.

 

There are plenty of organisations that are doing it well, so we’re learning from them and learning directly from customers. What did you need from organisations and how can everyone do that? There are things like, don’t make me tell my story over and over and over again. Yeah, that’s right. ⁓ Don’t ask me for evidence that I don’t have. Not everyone goes to police. Not everyone will get a conviction.

 

but please believe me. So there are very simple things that you can do in training. And so that’s what that alliance is doing. And I think that that’s why when we have practical tips that are really well informed by people with lived experience, by people who are working with them and are practical suggestions, I think that’s why more and more people are coming in and asking, what can I do?

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (39:37)

That is such a powerful example because I mean we all know that the reverse is how systems are set up. You you go for an insurance claim and it starts with an interrogative process and you’re always on the back foot. So just that simple premise of, please believe me, and changing the lens in which the dialogue is framed.

 

changes everything. Now yes, there are people who are looking to scam systems and the like. That’s not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about people who are coming in in times of need and personal distress.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (40:22)

Yeah and you know I also get asked a lot about well what happens if someone’s trying to rip us off and someone’s lying about this. Well first of all we know that very very few people who are victims of violence lie about it. There is a narrative that there are false reports but that is it’s very very seldom that that happens. In fact the data shows it just doesn’t

 

right? Very frequently. ⁓ Most organisation, if someone is coming to you and saying this is it I’m experiencing this you should believe it because they just need your help and most of the time they’ll come and ask and say can you just give me time to pay or it actually I was coerced into this debt or it I didn’t even know about it so it is one of the reasons I say that financial abuse should be treated in the same way as we treat fraud and scam.

 

because quite frequently that’s what’s happening to a survivor. They’ve got fraudulent debt, you know, if you get a debt, ⁓ if you get a credit card, something happening on your credit card, you didn’t know about it, it’ll be wiped off because that’s fraud and banks are insured against that. If it’s a scam, we’re now seeing much more…

 

response, you know, ⁓ a greater and collective response from business and government actually to respond to this organised crime ⁓ and scams. And we don’t have the same response, unfortunately, to financial abuse, but it is very similar tactics that people are using. And I do believe that we need to see that happen across Australia.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (42:09)

So if we move away from businesses just for a second and start to look at individuals one on one, could you give us a little bit of an overview of what are the early warning signs that somebody might be experiencing financial abuse? Because I’m thinking if we take the educational lens of this isn’t something a listener is experiencing, but what

 

what might they be looking to observe in their broader sphere of day-to-day contacts and community.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (42:49)

Yeah, and I think I find as we talk about financial abuse, the light bulbs go on. What we know from research is most people who are in it don’t recognise it. And that’s why it’s really important we do have these conversations to raise awareness. So financial abuse is where someone is using money or access to money to control another person. What that might look like for someone who’s experiencing it is their choice is being taken away.

 

their knowledge is being taken away. ⁓ So really practical examples and ones that I hear a lot ⁓ is ⁓ you might get paid an allowance, for example. So quite often we know that if someone starts caregiving and they leave the workplace, there’s an agreement and we frame it. We even talk about it as, well, the main breadwinner will give you an allowance. ⁓

 

That can be constricted.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (43:50)

Because

 

it sounds controlling just by nature.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (43:55)

It does, but it’s also a conversation that people have. How are we going to live when we go from two incomes to one income? And so I think a healthy money relationship is saying, what’s my money? What’s your money? What’s our money? We don’t have that when we start ⁓ having conversations. We know young people are starting to talk more about what is consent in a sexual relationship.

 

How do you ask for it? How do you give it? How do you withdraw it? How do you check in? We’re not having the same financial consent conversation. What’s my money? What’s your money? What’s our money? How do we manage it?

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (44:36)

rooted in the talking money is taboo.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (44:40)

I think there’s many reasons, absolutely. you know, it’s part of, in some societies, some cultures, everyone’s very open about money. In some cultures, it’s very clear that this is a man’s role is to manage the money. And a woman’s role is to be the caregiver. And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. When it becomes problematic is when you’re not open about it.

 

Two people are not involved in the decision making, even if there is one decision maker, when you’re not transparent and when you’re not clear on how does this work, ⁓ when there is secrecy, where there is deceit and where there is control. And so some of those early warning indicators could look like ⁓ I’m having to ask for money all the time.

 

And I’m feeling guilty about that. being shouted at. I’m being told you can’t spend money on these things. You don’t have that choice. I don’t know what accounts my name is on. I don’t know what debts there are in my name. There are much more. There are. You’ve spent money on that. ⁓ Now there is violence that’s related to that. And so actually that control that is

 

controlling you about how you’re going to spend money by ⁓ through ⁓ abuse or violence. So it’s all very much interrelated and obviously that’s a really serious example but I’ve you know.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (46:15)

And it’s not defined to any socioeconomic group, is it? Because this can be happening in the poorest of households and in the most financially sound of households.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (46:28)

Absolutely, and I hear it from mainly women, but women from every walk of life. ⁓ I think sometimes it can feel even more challenging for a victim survivor who is in a high-powered professional career living in the dream house where

 

actually behind closed doors, they’ve got no control over their money. They are acquiescing to every single whim ⁓ because they are walking on eggshells. And those women have described how it’s much harder for anyone to believe them because surely, that’s right. ⁓

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (47:13)

that couldn’t be happening.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (47:16)

But also people who are experiencing financial abuse are some of your best budgeters that you will ever find because they will make every cent count and every dollar account. So I think what I would say is you need to trust your gut. If this doesn’t feel right, if I don’t feel like I know or I’ve got choice in

 

what’s happening with the money and sometimes those choices are going to be really hard. Then that is an early warning sign. It’s a little bit like we, you might have heard the expression love bombing and coercive control. So financial abuse is a tactic of coercive control and coercive control is the pattern of behaviour that someone uses to control someone to make them do what they say.

 

⁓ It’s being outlawed all around Australia. Different governments are bringing in these laws and that’s because it is so corrosive and we know that unfortunately where there is coercive control it is a lead indicator of homicide.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (48:26)

And that point is a red flag. Different governments are bringing it in. Why can we not be Australia and bring in a blanket ruling?

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (48:38)

Yeah, thank you Federation. Yeah.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (48:40)

Federation is a little more problematic than train gauges not lining up between Sydney and Melbourne, isn’t it?

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (48:42)

You

 

Yeah, look, even in my Design to Disrupt paper that I looked at energy and water last year, because the laws are inconsistent across the country, it means that if a survivor flees from one state where an energy provider can get access to grants related to domestic abuse to help pay the energy bills, that’s not the same in other states.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (49:18)

And I appreciate all our listeners aren’t from Australia, but ⁓ just think of Australia as a whole bunch of different countries and that’ll kind of resonate because that’s the dynamic at play. Tell me, if I was to ask you, if you said to the average married couple whose name’s on the mortgage, how often would the female’s name be on the mortgage?

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (49:47)

I think these days most often that will be. quite housing is so expensive that quite often it takes two incomes to be able to purchase a house. What I would say and I’m going to get into feminine terms and conditions again. Exactly. It’s like we need a little ding. Let’s talk about that.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (50:07)

Yep

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (50:15)

So most mortgages are set up and it’s called joint and several liability. That’s the expression and the term that is in the contract. And so most mortgages are joint mortgages, joint facilities. What joint and several liability means is that you are both on the hook for 100 % of that loan. It’s not 50-50.

 

So it helps you buy the home, but it also means that if one person doesn’t pay, you are on the hook for 100%. And it’s not just mortgages, it is also a range of other debts as well. So it could be an energy account. We also know that it can be tax liabilities when you are a director of a company, for example.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (51:09)

So purely set up to protect the organisation with no consideration of the circumstances individuals might find themselves in.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (51:17)

Look, and I understand why. mean, obviously, I a mortgage.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (51:20)

It makes…

 

It’s problematic.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (51:25)

Yes, so there are ways that you can protect yourself against that. I would say if you take a look at your mortgages that joint and severally liable, you could potentially if you’re going for a new mortgage or a new home loan, you could ask for what other structures, what other ways could we structure this? And there are a number of different ways you can do that. There are there’s one called tenants in common, means which is quite often a business.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (51:53)

Kind of

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (51:55)

Yeah, that’s right. And that one offers a different way of structuring it. So you could say, well, this person’s on the hook for 70 % and this person for 30%. You need to think about all of these. And I would encourage people to look at the options. Then also, if you have got that, a lot of people will have offset accounts. So they’re trying to reduce the amount of interest. And we know with the current climate that ⁓

 

where interest rates are fluctuating, that it’s a really good idea to try and pop some money into an offset account to try and reduce the interest. A number of banks are now introducing separate offset accounts and multiple offset accounts. So what I’ve seen in my work is that at the point of separation or before, ⁓ which is where financial abuse can start or get worse because it can happen.

 

for a long time after the relationship has ended, those joint accounts, like offset accounts or redraws, can be cleaned out. And you might have been putting all this money into that joint offset account and then all of a sudden that’s all gone. you’re left with 100 % of your home loan to pay. So a number of banks now have multiple offsets. So you could have one in your name and one in your partner’s name. And that money,

 

is yours and it’s both going to reduce their interest and so if it’s healthy all hunky dory but if the worst happen

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (53:29)

You’ve got the safety valve. That’s a terrific idea. Such simple strategies. I guess it comes down to, Catherine, everything’s great while it’s great. This is the, know, how many marriages end up in divorce scenarios. And everything’s often good until you start talking about money. having

 

these types of structures, even when everything is terrific, is a great forward thinking strategy of responsibility to each other.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (54:08)

Yeah, and financial independence because money gives you choices. And ⁓ if you’re having a conversation about what’s mine, what’s yours, what’s ours, how are we going to do this together? That’s fantastic. And you’re right. No one goes into a relationship where it’s abusive straight away, right? It happens over time. so ⁓ my view is that you need to just ask some simple questions. I’m launching a

 

podcast to give people some practical financial safety tips, which is really exciting. And it’s because we, you know, even when you’re setting up your apps on your phone and your technology, a lot of us, if you’re like me and a Gen X, this is all still new. Are these apps tracking me? Can you track me? ⁓

 

Can I just switch that off? Do I need that tracking system on, for example? Can someone else see ⁓ into my account? Do they need to? Can I switch it off? There’s a whole lot of different safety ⁓ protections that maybe we don’t know about. And they don’t have to be part of a scary conversation about, what happens if this relationship separates or if there’s abuse in it? It’s actually just, my view is financial safety. ⁓

 

is and tech safety are as important as financial and digital literacy. In fact, it’s the new form of literacy.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (55:36)

Absolutely. And you just pointed out you’re a Gen X and I’m on the cusp and I actually fall into the baby boomers. So for all of the baby boomers listening, this is about being ahead of the game and about being aware. So it’s invaluable. So Catherine, what else is in the pipeline for you for 2026 in terms of this incredible work that you are doing to… ⁓

 

put in some safeguards both into organisations and awareness for individuals around many of these issues that we’ve touched on today.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (56:13)

Well a couple of things, we’re launching the Design to Disrupt podcast.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (56:18)

Which

 

will be… Yes.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (56:21)

Yep,

 

and that is really practical financial safety tips. Here’s how you can set up your bank accounts, your telephone accounts, energy accounts, water accounts, your ⁓ technology accounts to be safe and to protect both you and your money. ⁓ This year we’ve launched the Financial Safety Alliance which is a partnership between Flequity and ⁓

 

a number of finance sector industry associations and we’re helping to build some resources around safer design that can be consistently applied across ⁓ banks and lenders, whether they’re buy now pay later products for example or banking products and also with the credit bureaus as well. So we’ll be working on that and I’m intending to continue to speak

 

to anyone and everyone who will listen about what is financial abuse, what is safety by design and financial safety by design because I believe that we all have a role to play. And so I’m really grateful to you, Di, for asking me to explain what is financial abuse and what can you do about it as an individual but also from an organisational perspective.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (57:44)

I’m eternally grateful to you for the work that you have done to date and for the work that you continue to do because I typically wrap up a podcast and say, can we find you? Well, FLEQUITY Ventures, and we’re going to put that link into the show notes because that will then take somebody to your podcast once it’s live too. Will that be the case? They’ll find that.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (58:09)

Yes it will. Yes it will. And the other thing I would say is that if you want to be a feminard like me, I’m

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (58:17)

You’re going to need magnifying glasses because there’s a lot of small print.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (58:22)

There is but what I have done is on the respect and protect website you can go to the page that says the fine print and you can take a look and see if any of the organizations you do business with are listed there. We’ve listed the financial abuse terms so you can read them and see them.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (58:43)

Be one of your podcast episodes, The Fine Print.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (58:47)

The fine pig, great idea. Thank you.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (58:49)

That’s a perfect one because that’s where so many are tripped up. We’re caught out by the fine print. that’s my marketing tip today.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (59:01)

Awesome. I was also wondering how many people would wear a cap or a t-shirt saying feminine ⁓ Maybe not as many I don’t mind self-identifying

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (59:11)

Yeah, I think that’s harder to sell just quietly, but you know, it depends. Maybe there’s a generation coming through the Gen A’s probably think that’s absolutely cool, but I don’t know that they want to identify as any badgers, so maybe not, I don’t know. But seriously, for our listeners, this is the type of episode that I would really implore that you do share, because this is

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (59:17)

Ha

 

That’s very true. That’s very true.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (59:40)

This is great for parents to share with their children, for you to share with your friends, friendship network, or if you feel somebody… ⁓

 

is in a situation where something just doesn’t count. might be an easy way to actually approach a conversation that’s more difficult and say, listened to this, you might take something from it, this is what I took from it. So I would really encourage somebody to think through that lens. The podcast is available on all of the podcast platforms, both audible and on YouTube, so easily shared.

 

very much look forward to your podcast going live as well, Catherine, because the informative nature of that is the core fundamentals that we really all need to hear and help us put in all of the systems into place. Personally, I have to declare I live in a household where my husband said to me 20 years or 21 years ago when we got married, you’re captain of the ship. And I’ve taken that literally and I have taken control.

 

but I personally don’t make any financial moves without full disclosure so that we are both informed on the decisions even though I might be taking the action.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (1:01:06)

which is absolutely a healthy money relationship. Go you Di

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (1:01:11)

Thank

 

you, thank you. But I do like being the captain of the ship.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (1:01:15)

Yeah.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (1:01:18)

Just quietly.

 

CATHERINE FITZPATRICK [GUEST] (1:01:20)

Sounds like he likes it too, so that’s pretty cool.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (1:01:25)

Let’s leave it that way. Catherine, thank you for your time and fabulous for the listeners. Thank you for joining us. Until next time.

 

Chapters:

00:00 Understanding Financial Abuse and Its Impact

03:00 The Weaponization of Financial Products

05:55 The Role of Institutions in Preventing Abuse

09:04 Real-Life Examples of Financial Abuse

12:00 Designing Systems for Safety

14:47 Shifting Organizational Mindsets

17:57 Innovative Solutions and Reforms

20:54 The Future of Financial Safety

32:13 The Role of Translators in Financial Safety

33:11 Men Stepping Up: A Shift in Support

34:52 Understanding Financial Abuse and Its Impact

42:09 Recognizing Early Warning Signs of Financial Abuse

49:47 Navigating Joint Financial Responsibilities

54:34 Building Financial Safety and Independence

56:04 Future Initiatives for Financial Safety Awareness

 

Connect with Di:

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Contact Di

 

Find Catherine at:

Websites
https://flequity.au/

https://catherinefitzpatrick.com/

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/catherine-fitzpatrick-designedtodisrupt/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/catherinefitzpatrick.official/

 

This is the home of unapologetic conversations and powerful stories of reinvention. New episodes drop every Monday to fuel your week with insights on leadership, resilience, and success. Subscribe and join a community of women who are changing the game.

 

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Disclaimer:  https://powerofwomen.com.au/podcast-disclaimer/

Are Women the Future of Politics?

Are Women the Future of Politics?

In this episode of the Power of Women podcast, Di Gillett interviews Kellie Sloane, the leader of the Liberal Party of New South Wales. The conversation is centred around the evolving role of women in politics.

Kellie with her optimistic outlook, embodies the spirit of resilience and strength that many women bring to the political arena. The conversation delves into the reasons behind this shift, emphasising the growing expectation for accountability and higher standards from leaders.

With a significant representation of women and younger voices in her team, Kellie believes that the political landscape is shifting towards a more inclusive and balanced environment.

This conversation serves as a powerful reminder of the impact women are having in politics today.

 

➡️You’ll Hear :

Why community must come first

Leadership lessons from crisis

Why voters value empathetic leadership

Why Kellie believes that kindness is a strength in leadership

The importance of bipartisan cooperation

How diversity in politics brings different perspectives to public policy

Why integrity is non-negotiable.

 

Key Takeaways:

  • Voters value empathetic leadership
  • Kindness is not weakness
  • There is rise of women across the political spectrum
  • Bipartisan cooperation is healthy
  • We need a strong opposition to hold the Government of the day to account.
📖 Read the full transcript of this conversation here.

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

DI GILLETT [HOST] (00:04)

Kellie when you hear the words power of women, what comes to mind?

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (00:09)

and optimism and all my girlfriends and just generations of great energy.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (00:15)

Leadership is tested most clearly at moments of disruption. And when we’re talking about politics, women are at the center of that shift. I’m Di Gillett and this is the Power of Women podcast. And what I love about this platform is the opportunity to showcase and celebrate the strength, resilience and achievement of women from all walks of life. Today, I am joined by Kellie Sloane, leader at the Liberal Party of New South Wales.

 

and in fact one of the most consequential figures in state politics right now. Kellie leads at a moment when expectations of political leadership are changing, greater accountability, deeper scrutiny and higher standards. And as the events of December 2025 in Bondi Beach in Australia revealed, at a time when we have never experienced such volatility in the community.

 

Callie has spoken publicly about issues left to the margins. Men’s health, Australia’s declining birth rate, economic participation, infrastructure, and importantly, access to healthcare. And only a few weeks ago, she announced a new shadow ministry, positioning her team as government ready as we approach 2027. This is a conversation about why women are changing politics.

 

At a time when change is a daily headline. Kellie Sloane, welcome to the Power of Women podcast.

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (01:47)

Thank you, Di. It’s so great to be with you.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (01:50)

Great to see you, Kellie. And for those listening who feel somewhat disillusioned by politics, we’re trying to put pay to that in today’s conversation. Kellie, love to reveal a backstory of where somebody’s come from and what brings them to current day. You’ve built an incredibly successful career outside politics. Why the shift and why now?

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (02:18)

first job was as a journalist, a television journalist. I worked for Channel 9 primarily for about 14 years. And I had the great privilege of standing with people in moments of crisis, moments of loss, and moments of opportunity and celebration. And in those moments, there was a real privilege in reporting on that, telling their stories. But I guess I increasingly got frustrated by

 

The fact that I couldn’t play an active role in the change that I wanted to see. So telling their story was important, but being an active participant in the change that I wanted to see in our community became something that was really motivating for me. So I left journalism and moved into the not-for-profit sector.

 

worked with Life Education was the CEO of that organization and your listeners might be familiar with Healthy Harold, the giraffe. That was the icon of that organization. Got me deeply involved in policy around children’s and young people’s health, their mental health, their physical health. So I started to get an itch to do more. And I guess there was a point where I thought,

 

You know, I’ve told people stories, I’ve advocated for them. Now let’s jump in and see if I can make an even bigger difference in politics. And here I am.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (03:37)

Fantastic. And I know there is a personal cost in stepping forward into public life and in particular in politics. And I know a lot of people would wrestle with what that looks like. How have you come to terms with that part of the decision to step up into politics?

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (03:57)

I have my eyes wide open, have to say, having covered politics for so long as a journalist and interviewed lots of prime ministers and engaged with the political process. So I knew that going into it, it would be tough. And I had to be okay with that. I had to be okay with giving up a level of privacy, giving up a lot of family time, because as a member of parliament, people probably don’t realize that you’re up very early and you’re going to

 

community events every night, which is really terrific. And I really enjoy that part of the role, but it means less time with friends, less time with family. And so guess I’m, you know, had that chat with my husband and our boys, our boys are now teenagers. So they understood and they were very supportive. And so I’m really lucky to do that. And can I say, I have to say there’s so much more that’s positive about this role than negative and

 

I thought there would be a greater deal of skepticism, a greater deal of anger, a greater deal of hate. And I have to say, I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the warmth in the community. People who were inclined to vote for me, people who won’t vote for me, who have said, you know, we really respect what you do and what you’re putting your hand up for. So I think we have in Australia that healthy skepticism of politics and politicians, understandable. But there’s also a lot of people who say, thanks for what you’re doing.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (05:18)

Kellie, was there ⁓ a political figure either in Australia or globally who has influenced your decision to step forward or in fact your views?

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (05:31)

strong strength and inspiration from a variety of different figures. Sometimes they’re very different. As an example, if you were to go back a number of decades, Margaret Thatcher, who had this steely determination even when opposed and just pushed through based on her values. I find that incredibly inspiring. But on the other hand, someone entirely different, like Jacinda Ardern in New Zealand, whose policies I may not agree with, but I really respect her for showing a

 

kind of leadership that really resonates with me. One that says that kindness is a strength and not a weakness. And then I also in more recent times and closer to home, Gladys Berejiklian, who, you know, through COVID really steered our state, gave us ⁓ comfort. And that came through her diligence and her work ethic. And I really admire that too. And she’s someone I check in with from time to time to get a bit of advice.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (06:30)

that’s wonderful, having mentors. I found this wonderful little booklet the other day in memorabilia from my late father who was also a state politician for a short period. And it’s a little book for 30 cents that says quotations from the chairman Henry Bolte. Now none of them are repeatable because they’re almost all sexist, but it’s the most hysterical little booklet that ⁓ probably should be in the political archives now that I…

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (06:59)

Yeah

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (07:00)

Yeah, incredible one. So on more serious note, Kellie, ⁓ we were really shaken in December 2025 with the tragedy at Bondi and you were front and centre at that event. What did that moment clarify for you about leadership?

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (07:26)

I had been the opposition leader for less than three weeks ⁓ when the terrorism attack happened at Bondi Beach. I’m also the local member for that area and I was nearby at a separate Heineken celebration about to deliver a speech. I was standing on stage when the crowd started running and the place ended up in lockdown and I went to find out what was happening for my own safety. ended up having to jump into a

 

what’s called a Hatsola ambulance. was a community ambulance and the driver said there’s been a shooting at Bondi. My colleague has been shot. I’m going down there and I said, well, look, I’m coming with you. And we tore down to Bondi, arrived within minutes and as the shots were still being fired but was finishing up and we ended up parked under that bridge.

 

⁓ not knowing that the gunmen were above us still wrestling with the police and I went in ⁓ as did the ambulance driver and we attempted to help people and

 

In terms of what, you know, the moment of clarity from that, I think it’s something I always knew that community and all our decision-making community must come first, their safety, their, you know, a sense of bipartisanship was really important to me in the days and weeks after that attack that I felt it was very important to be working with the government to make sure that we were providing the resources locals needed, that we were there in lockstep when it came.

 

to supporting their grief, attending funerals, attending memorials, ⁓ an incredibly difficult time, incredibly difficult time and moments that I will certainly never forget my entire life.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (09:20)

How do you manage your own mental health having been fronted, etc. and then try and make clear headed decisions as part of that experience?

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (09:32)

You know, I guess my answer is I just, really don’t know because there’s no one, there’s no textbook that can tell you how to manage that. So I think you draw on your own resolve and there are moments I’ll admit where, you know, I find it incredibly tough. And those moments often hit me out of the blue where I’ll stop and there’ll be just intense sadness. And I’ve talked with some of the other people that were there. ⁓

 

in the immediate aftermath of that shooting, the other first responders. I’ve got a lot of comfort talking to people like our surf lifeguards and lifesavers. We all went through that together and I find great comfort in that. And then I also feel, you know, it’s been important for the community that they knew I was there, that I understand and that I’m motivated only to support them.

 

in everything that I do. But I need, you know, it’ll be an ongoing process for anyone that was there. And in fact, even, you know, community members who weren’t there, but are feeling that secondhand trauma. And this is going to be a long process of healing and recovery for the community. I just have to channel those very real emotions I have into making sure that the decisions I make are empathetic, that they are putting people first.

 

that politics doesn’t come into it when we’re dealing with a national tragedy. But that I feel I’ve shared something with the community and in some ways that’s helped me because we all feel so helpless. it’s, yeah, exactly.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (11:19)

point of connection. Changing tack if we may. ⁓ Politics has been criticized and probably fairly so for toxic cultures up on the hill and outdated power dynamics. What’s your experience been?

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (11:41)

I understandably politics has had a bad rap, politicians have had a bad rap. A lot of the people who observe through their TVs and online ⁓ feel like some politicians are in it for themselves, that they’re out of touch. And I understand all of that. My experience has actually been a pretty positive one. I entered parliament only three years ago. I think a lot of work had been done by my predecessors in terms of

 

calling out some of the bad behavior and addressing it. And in New South Wales Parliament, the Liberals Party Room is ⁓ almost half made up of women here. And we have a lot of young people. There are 10 millennials in our group. So we have a really balanced ⁓ party room. And I think that helps as well. There used to be a culture of a lot of drinking in Parliament, when there were the late night sittings. That just doesn’t happen anymore.

 

So I feel like it’s been incredibly positive that that doesn’t mean there’s not a lot of work to be done. But perhaps we’re also fortunate in New South Wales maybe compared to federal parliament where there might be bigger Stouches and maybe bigger Egos.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (12:55)

You may well be right. You may well be right. So Kellie, ⁓ do women in politics need to operate like the boys or is there an opportunity to elevate leadership and lead by example?

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (13:12)

Maybe in the past they had to be a bit like the blokes. Look, I have to say though, there is an appetite for empathetic leadership. ⁓ Voters like voting for women because they see that we are pragmatic, that we are values-based, that we’re perhaps a little more consultative. By and large, a little less ego. ⁓

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (13:16)

federal mob.

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (13:40)

And I say that as a broad sense, of course there are exceptions, but I believe when women bring their true selves to politics, when they are authentic, when they are speaking on behalf of communities, driven by their lived experience, that makes us powerful. And they are values and leadership qualities that the community is crying out for.

 

So that is where if we bring our authentic selves to the chamber, to our public life, that is why people are wanting to vote for us. I think gone are the days of having to be like the boys to compete with the boys. These days, women are valued for the qualities they bring. And that’s not to diminish the values of men either and the qualities that they bring that are sometimes different. We work best when we’re in partnership.

 

And we have a variety of different skills. you know, I, but I do think that these days leadership isn’t about being combative. Leadership is not about clashes in the chamber. Leadership isn’t about opposing for the sake of opposing. True leadership in my mind is about reaching consensus, putting people at the heart of every decision you make and bringing your authentic self.

 

the life that you’ve lived into public life. And when you do that, people resonate with that. And I think that’s very positive for politics and public life.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (15:16)

And may that resonate beyond politics into every boardroom around the country because they’re great values. Thank you, Kellie.

 

You’re listening to The Power of Women podcasts and I’m talking with Kellie Sloane, Liberal Leader for New South Wales in Australia. And coming up, we’re going to explore if women lead differently.

 

If you’re loving the Power of Women podcasts, be sure to jump onto our YouTube channel and hit that subscribe button to ensure you never miss an episode. Kellie, the rise of women across the political spectrum and including the Teals has really disrupted that traditional pathway to power. In your view, does gender matter in politics?

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (16:07)

Gender matters only in so much as it brings different perspectives into the chamber and into the development of public policy. I equally think that diversity of cultures and experience, ⁓ geographies is as important as well. So where we have almost half of our party room in New South Wales is females, so that’s a really good thing, but I’d like to see more diversity in terms of experience and upbringing and background as well. And that’s something that we have to consistently work on.

 

And I think if we have more voices at the table testing our ideas, challenging our ideas, that is really healthy for democracy.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (16:45)

That’s the ultimate boardroom, isn’t it? Testing and challenging. like that very much. Kellie, how do you actually describe your leadership style?

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (16:55)

I like to think of myself as an empathetic leader, that I will be bipartisan when it matters, bring people together, but equally I can be tough. But I can be tough in the same breath as being kind. And I think, I hope that’s the kind of leadership that I’m bringing that people see in me. That someone who will always seek solutions before combat. ⁓

 

but that when the government needs to be held to account and when we have better ideas, we will forcefully prosecute those ideas. ⁓ So tough but kind. I hope that’s what people see in me.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (17:37)

We like that very much. you’re, am I right in saying would be the third liberal leader for, female liberal leader for New South Wales Parliament? was someone who preceded Gladys previously was there?

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (17:55)

So

 

there was Christina Keneally ⁓ was a female premier. ⁓ And then look, we’ve had a long history though of women in the New South Wales Parliament. The first woman and her name was Millicent Preston Stanley was elected 100 years ago. And she was also the member for the Eastern suburbs. And she was a firebrand conservative woman, right? And she got into that parliament with all the blokes and she advocated strongly.

 

⁓ for women to have access to their kids in divorce, ⁓ a whole lot of social issues. That’s Incredibly groundbreaking and quite inspiring. So ⁓ we’ve had a long line of conservative women in politics. ⁓ But yeah, until sort of the last couple of decades, not as many women as we might have liked.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (18:31)

at that time.

 

Yeah, so if you look to more recent times, what do you think are the most significant changes women have brought to the fore over the last decade?

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (19:00)

think women in leadership have made us feel safe in times of crisis. ⁓ I’m thinking particularly about Gladys Berejiklian as the New South Wales Premier during COVID, her work ethic, her diligence, turning up every day and we watched her on the TV every day looking at those numbers. That was an incredible strength and comfort to the people of New South Wales.

 

I also think that we have demonstrated more broadly, ⁓ females in leadership everywhere, that sort of willingness to bring people together to find solutions, ⁓ that understanding of community and the value of community and decision making. And there are plenty of blokes who recognise that as well, but women bring a different voice to it sometimes. And we bring an experience of

 

I guess raising families, the challenges of paying the bills, the juggle that we bring. And often, I think my observation has been whether it’s women who ⁓ have achieved ⁓ significant promotions in business as CEOs or in media like yourself or have gone into politics, we’re often really ready for those roles because

 

It’s a problem that we doubt ourselves so much in the lead up to it. We’ve had to work so hard to overcome so many things or juggle so many things, family and work and the mental load and all the rest of it. That by the time we jump into big roles, we battle hardened, we’re ready, we know how to juggle, we know how to prioritize and we know how to get the job done with as little messing around as possible.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (20:45)

think if you look forward to the Millennials who are in your rooms, do you think they’ll be having these same conversations about women at the table as we are or do you think it will have been put to bed by this?

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (21:01)

I have to say we don’t even talk about it in our party room ⁓ as an issue. In fact, I stood up when I announced my first shadow cabinet and all my new shadow ministers. One of the journalists asked me, what’s the gender makeup? And I had to stop. And I can honestly tell you, I had not even thought about gender. And afterwards I reflected on that and thought,

 

That’s pretty good that we’re not talking about it in our party room. And I wish that for our federal colleagues and for other party rooms. But the conversations that we’re having are not about whether you have ovaries or not. They’re about how can we help families ⁓ get ahead? How can we help young female entrepreneurs succeed and get rid of the red tape? How can we provide more flexible work and home solutions so that women can get ahead without having to put family last?

 

⁓ They’re the conversations that we’re having. Women have told me, business women that I’ve met with, that they want better economic conditions, they want ⁓ better workplace laws, they want less government interference, they want to make sure that transport infrastructure is being developed so that they can get home faster.

 

And these are all things that Liberal governments have done successfully over the last few terms and will continue to advocate for in our policies.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (22:22)

Yeah, fantastic. So, March 2027 is approaching at a rate of knots. It is. And you’ve described your new shadow ministry as government ready. What would you like your constituents to understand around what that actually means?

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (22:42)

Well, it means that we’ve got an incredible team ⁓ of former government ministers who know how government works, who have that experience that’s really important. But equally, we have a group of young people coming through that understand the real concerns of young families and communities who know where the state’s heading, not just where it’s been. And I think that that mix in our party room is incredibly important.

 

And we are all inspired by our predecessors who built an incredible legacy in New South Wales of transport infrastructure, of metros, of new hospitals, ⁓ and that we want to be ambitious for our state too. So we will be an ambitious team with great experience, ready to govern, and ready to ⁓ remind families in New South Wales who are finding it really tough that there is a better way forward.

 

because right across our country, cost of living is declining, ⁓ government bureaucracy is growing, union influence is increasing and small businesses are closing at a rate of knots. So we will present a policy platform over the coming months that we hope will be hopeful, ⁓ that will be ambitious and that they’ll see in my team.

 

not just me as leader, as a capable leader and a future Premier, but a team that will be incredibly strong for New South Wales.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (24:08)

Yeah, wonderful. Kellie, I appreciate the first few weeks of your role were certainly ⁓ extraordinary. Outside of that, the shift to politics lived up to your expectations?

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (24:28)

It’s probably exceeded my expectations. I have seen the power that can come from good opposition. So it’s not just about jumping in and trying to get into government. We have developed policy that the government has adopted from the opposition benches. That’s really satisfying. We’ve also produced amendments to government legislation that have succeeded.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (24:51)

And that’s what a good opposition does.

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (24:53)

It’s so healthy for the state. I have equally worked in a bipartisan fashion with the government to get good legislation through and to make what I’ve thought is ordinary legislation better. ⁓ I want the Premier and his team, every time they produce a policy, to be looking over their shoulder saying, what would Kellie think? What would the opposition say about this?

 

and sure that they dot the I’s and cross the T’s and sharpen their pencils and make sure that they are delivering the best for New South Wales. So at the very minimum, my job is to make sure that we hold this government to account, that they become a better government because of a tough opposition. And at the very best, then I hope to be in office in a year from now. But I’ve been incredibly satisfied by the work we’ve done in parliament, but also I have to say,

 

You know, nothing prepares you just for ⁓ how much you care for your community as a local member of parliament. And I get incredible satisfaction out of the small community events, out of going down to the surf clubs, about speaking to locals and trying to make a difference on the everyday issues that matter to them. And it’s a real privilege. I have to say it’s an incredible privilege.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (26:08)

Kellie, I’ve got a couple of rapid fire questions to throw at you as we wrap up today’s conversation. One issue you believe politics has underestimated for too long.

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (26:21)

Social cohesion, we’ve taken that for granted. We need to try harder. We cannot say she’ll be right when it comes to our multicultural communities.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (26:32)

And leaderships treat Australia needs more of right now.

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (26:37)

at courage to make tough decisions even when they’re not popular. I think we need that right now. We can’t please everyone.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (26:46)

and one decision principle you’ll never compromise on.

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (26:51)

Integrity. Yeah, you have to stick to your values. I want to leave politics with my integrity intact and hopefully that will serve me well while I’m in the job.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (27:02)

Yeah, fantastic. Kellie, what a ⁓ refreshing and resounding positive take on life in politics and what your views are. I commend you on that and thank you for that and I have no doubt you become a role model for other women considering a path in politics. I know I grew up

 

As a school kid, if you asked me what I wanted to be, for years it was a politician and somehow it fell off the radar and I commend you on making that decision because it is a huge sacrifice. You’re a wife, you’re a mother, you’ve got the role of opposition which I sometimes think is tougher than the role of leading and you are doing it with such grace and conviction. It’s so impressive.

 

KELLIE SLOANE MP [GUEST] (27:54)

Thank you, Di And can I just say we need women like you in politics. It is never too late to step up. Can I also say to your viewers and listeners that we need more people in politics, whether it’s front and centre like me, whether it’s behind the scenes, whether it’s joining parties, whether it’s my party, the Liberal Party or the Labor Party, have a voice, have a say, because we need more people contributing to our democracy right now.

 

valuing our democracy and making sure that we hold every politician to account. So ⁓ thank you and thank you for the community that you provide for women.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (28:29)

Thank you Kellie and thank you so much for joining me today. I know that the time of a politician is scarce and heavily scheduled so much appreciation. Until next time.

 

Chapters:

00:00 The Power of Women in Politics

02:21 Kellie Sloane’s Journey to Politics

04:52 Navigating the Challenges of Public Life

07:04 Leadership in Times of Crisis

12:55 Empathetic Leadership: A New Approach

15:16 Leadership Styles and Gender Dynamics

12:55 Empathetic Leadership: A New Approach

28:29 The Future of Women in Political Leadership

 

Connect with Di:

Connect with Di on LinkedIn

Follow Power Of Women on LinkedIn

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The Power Of Women Podcast Instagram

Contact Di

 

Find Kellie Sloane MP at:

Website https://kelliesloane.com.au/

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kellie-sloane/

Instagram  https://www.instagram.com/kelliesloanemp/?hl=en

 

This is the home of unapologetic conversations and powerful stories of reinvention. New episodes drop every Monday to fuel your week with insights on leadership, resilience, and success. Subscribe and join a community of women who are changing the game.

 

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Shame Caused by the Abuse of Power Must Be Redirected to the Perpetrators

Shame Caused by the Abuse of Power Must Be Redirected to the Perpetrators

Shame caused by the abuse of power. A brave conversation which does include references to child sexual abuse.

In this episode of the Power Of Women Podcast, Di Gillett speaks with Dr Martina Zangger about childhood abuse, the psychology of shame, and the long path to healing.

Growing up in Basel, Switzerland, Martina’s childhood appeared privileged. The reality was abuse by powerful men within her own family – men who were respected pillars of society. Men whom should know better, be better, do better.

Disclosure did not happen until she was 27.

We also hear about Martina’s extraordinary experience having spent a decade in the infamous Rajneesh cult in the United States.

Now a psychotherapist and author of Not My Shame, Martina’s life work focuses on shifting shame back to where it belongs. – to the perpetrators.

 

➡️You’ll Hear :

Why shame attaches to survivors.

The common traits of perpetrators.

Why disclosure often takes decades.

The psychology of cult power dynamics.

How women move from silence to authorship.

 

Powerful quotes from Dr Martina Zangger:

“I believe that shame must change sides.”

“It took until I was 27 to disclose the abuse.”

“We can heal and we will have relief from the damage of abuse.”

👉 Read the full transcript of this conversation here

FULL TRANSCRIPT_DR MARTINA ZANGGER

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (00:02)

So I believe that my purpose in life is to hold rage in one hand and hope in the other. And that gives me the energy to do the work I do. I walk along victims’ survivors on their journeys of healing. And I need that rage and hope to continue. Also, I believe that shame must change sides.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (00:31)

if shame was never yours to carry? And what if shame belongs unequivocally with those who cause harm, not with those who survive it? I’m Di Gillett and this is the Power of Women podcast. And what I love about this platform is the opportunity to showcase and celebrate the strength, resilience and achievements of women from all walks of life.

 

Through revealing lived experience, it becomes a chorus of wisdom that makes sure women are seen not just for what we do, but for who we are. But before I begin, and as Hannah Asafiri has so rightly pointed out on this podcast in previous episodes, life doesn’t come with a trigger warning. However, this episode includes references to sexual abuse, so please

 

take care whilst listening. And let’s start with this point today as we kick off the conversation because it’s not designed to shock, provoke, or re-traumatise. It is designed to reframe, to shift shame back to where it belongs, to talk about survival without sanitizing it, and to name patterns, particularly narcissistic abuse.

 

So hopefully women can see them sooner, trust themselves more readily, and hopefully, where possible, leave earlier. And speaking out can be a key part of healing, which is exactly what today’s guest is doing. Martina Zangger, welcome to the Power of Women podcast.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (02:14)

Thank you so much for having me Di

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (02:17)

Martina, I’m going to jump around a little bit today and we had a bit of a exploratory discussion before Christmas, before we decided to record this episode. And there are some dark aspects of this conversation, but there’s also such a richness of lived experience that I’d love to understand today. But I think what we need to do is frame the very beginning and

 

⁓ and allow our listeners to understand some context. Are you comfortable with us doing that?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (02:54)

Yes very much so Di.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (02:56)

Okay, lovely. So I want to know about your childhood because from the outside, anybody looking at it, it would have looked safe, but the reality behind closed doors was a very, very different thing. Where did you grow up?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (03:14)

So I grew up in a small town in Switzerland called Basel, which is on the German and French border in the north. I grew up in a well-to-do household with a mother and father and two older brothers. Everything looked normal, yet underneath it all, were very, very… ⁓ It was a dangerous childhood.

 

and there were terrible things happening in both in our home and in the home that I was left in, my grandparents’ home, many times, probably every two, three weeks for two or three days. And that was my grandparents’ home was where I was sexually abused by my grandfather and by my uncle.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (04:05)

What do you most want people to understand about that time, Martina?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (04:11)

I think it’s really important to know that these were ordinary men. In fact, they were highly regarded citizens in our society, in the Swiss society. My grandfather was a high court judge and academic, and my uncle was a beloved politician and barrister. So they were well regarded men. They were men that were looked up to.

 

and yet behind closed doors they turned into something quite different.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (04:46)

and nobody would have had any idea and it would have been hard to actually be believed given their standing in the community.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (04:54)

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And this is why it took such a long time for me to disclose it. It took until I was 27 to disclose the abuse. And it happened, it happened between age two and age six. Yeah.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (05:14)

And you’ve decided to now put pen to paper and you’ve written your memoir touching on this. Why now, Martina?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (05:27)

I was really ready now because I had, in 2010 I had finished my PhD, which was on sexual assault and the legal system. I was teaching at Newcastle University and I was an academic there. And once I finished my PhD, I thought, I never wanna write an academic paper again. It’s so stifling.

 

we are straight jacketed as academics and we can’t say what we really want to say. And so after I finished my PhD, I became ready then to start creative writing, which is what I pursued then. I was still teaching, but I was no longer writing the PhD or journal articles that were academic yet.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (06:23)

What year did you land in Australia? Because you grew up in Switzerland. What year did you, did you immigrate?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (06:29)

I

 

came to Australia in 1975 when I was 14 years old.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (06:34)

Okay, and we’ll come back because there’s a couple of moves there about that. But what actually triggered the immigration to Australia?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (06:47)

So in my hometown Basel were all the big pharma factories. So there was Roche, Sandoz, Seabar, Guygee and all the people in that town worked for one of the big pharma companies. My dad worked for big pharma and he was ⁓ given a promotion to ⁓ lead the company in Australia and Asia.

 

and that is how we moved to Australia.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (07:21)

And was that break in moving countries the break in the abuse?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (07:27)

Yes, it was, absolutely. Because at that time, I was no longer abused by my grandfather who had passed away or by my uncle who got married, but by a 17 year old who abused me for a couple of years between ages 12 and 14. And one of the big benefits of moving to Australia was that then the abuse stopped.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (07:55)

Okay, so there was a physical break point that allowed that to take place.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (08:05)

Yes, I it was amazing. I remember when my dad told us that we’re moving to Australia, my first thought was, my god, this is so great because I’m going to be free of the sexual abuse. Because I just did not know how to disclose it or how to be assertive and say to this guy, I don’t like it. I don’t want to see you anymore. I had no words. I was very unassertive.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (08:31)

Had you declared it to your parents?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (08:34)

No, I didn’t declare it until I was 27.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (08:40)

and from the work that you have done post PhD and in your studies, I suspect that is not uncommon.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (08:51)

It’s absolutely the most common ⁓ time frame when victims disclose it takes on average 25 years. I’ve worked with women, I recently have worked with a beautiful ⁓ older lady who is 85 and she is seeing me for counselling because her father sexually abused her. She has never told anyone until she turned 85.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (09:20)

Go to heavens.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (09:21)

So it takes much courage and time before victim survivors can disclose.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (09:30)

So you referenced about this 85 year old woman that you’re coaching at the moment. I suspect her non-disclosure at an earlier age was purely a generational thing.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (09:46)

Not purely, because even now there are victims who will never disclose. Even now there are young children who will never ever disclose. And that is such a tragedy because if we don’t disclose, we can’t heal. Because we can’t heal in isolation. We heal when we tell someone and the other person believes us.

 

If we don’t tell, we can’t heal.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (10:17)

So are young children more or less inclined to disclose in current day by contrast to when you grew up?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (10:27)

Yes, they are much more likely to disclose. And when I worked in sexual assault services in rural and regional New South Wales, had at least ⁓ two thirds of our caseload was children and adolescents. So there are more and more kids and adolescents disclosing much earlier because there’s more education in schools about ⁓

 

being safe about consent and about sexual abuse and what ⁓ sexual abuse actually is. So children are now more likely to disclose, however many still don’t.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (11:12)

So is that about awareness, not confidence? That is, the children are more aware, they’re not necessarily more confident, they’re just more aware?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (11:22)

They’re more aware and they, if they have one safe person in their life, whether that’s mum or an auntie or a teacher or a best friend, they are more likely to disclose if they have a safe person in their lives. Yeah.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (11:42)

And you referenced off camera before about a particular Australian lawyer that you follow.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (11:49)

Yes, so I follow him on Instagram. He’s a Victorian lawyer and every day he posts the figures of child sexual abuse cases in court across Australia. And what he has found is that at least 25 % of all criminal cases that occur in courts across Australia are child sexual abuse cases.

 

which is just heartbreaking.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (12:20)

It absolutely is. And I suspect there are only the numbers that make it to court because somebody’s called it out. That doesn’t speak to the hidden abuse that is still ongoing or has taken place.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (12:35)

Yes, it’s

 

heartbreaking. But we’re doing much better education of kids, even little kids in preschools are getting information that they need so that they can disclose if anything ever happens to them.

 

which is wonderful.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (12:56)

It is, absolutely. Are we at risk that ⁓ an advanced thinking child might weaponize that or does that not happen?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (13:08)

I it happens. Yeah, I don’t think that happens. ⁓ Maybe one in a hundred. I know I’ve worked as a sexual assault ⁓ psychotherapist for 28 years. I would have maybe five in that time, five clients where I thought something doesn’t add up. But that’s out of hundreds.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (13:10)

can go on.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (13:35)

So yes it may happen maybe less than 1 % would fall asleep.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (13:41)

shitty lawyer using using it as their their lame defense to the perpetrator.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (13:47)

Yes.

 

Or someone that’s extremely unwell or someone who perhaps has a mother that is coaching them to say that. But I need to stress that is less than 1%. Disclosures. People often say, I mean, they’re called, ⁓ you’re a liar. that’s liars are only less than 1%. Yeah.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (14:02)

Also. Yeah, okay.

 

extraordinary lot. I think we’ve put that one to bed. So looking at shame and we talked about shame in the introduction and I’d like to go there in some detail if we could. It’s one of the most persistent burdens that a survivor carries even though logically it should belong to the abuser not to the victim. Why

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (14:18)

Yeah.

 

Yes.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (14:46)

does it attach itself so strongly to the person who’s been abused rather than the perpetrator?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (14:55)

Yeah, that’s such a tragedy because it keeps victim survivors silent. But it’s basically because the perpetrator uses power and control. The perpetrator always has more power. And therefore, they make the child or the young person or their wife or partner feel you are nothing, you are nobody, no one will believe you.

 

You are crazy and they themselves elevate themselves a bit like my grandfather and uncle. I am a pillar of society and no one will believe you. And that’s what I believed for 27 years. And it’s true, like some people did not believe me. Many people go, no, that can’t be true.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (15:48)

Were your perpetrators still alive when you called them out?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (15:54)

My uncle was, my grandfather had died.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (15:58)

How does that sit?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (16:00)

I will, I mean they have both passed away now and I feel freer for it and I feel happy that they can’t abuse any other kids. That’s the main thing I think. ⁓ I did confront my uncle, of course he denied it and perpetrators always deny it because the very thing that allows them to perpetrate abuse also allows them to lie.

 

and continue to try and use power over a victim survivor.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (16:33)

hence why it’s so difficult to shift that blame back to them from yourself. It really takes an intervention from somebody else to call it out and shift the blame.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (16:47)

Yeah, I remember when I was 20, I was probably 28 or 29, I decided I had this brainwave. I’d been in therapy for a couple of years and I said to my therapist, I’ve got a really great idea. I’m going to write to my uncle and confront him and then he’s going to say, sorry. And I believed that he would because I was still very naive and not as well informed as I am now. And she said,

 

let’s slow it down, I think we need to plan for this and think about it. But it was one of the times when I would not listen to her. I loved her, she was amazing, but I was like, no, I’m gonna do it. And I went home and I wrote that letter. We didn’t have email yet. I wrote the letter and I copied, made like, I think five copies for my parents, my aunt and my two brothers.

 

And I sent those to ⁓ those people and my uncle, I waited and waited for him to write back to me hoping he would say, I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. But of course he wrote back in his lawyerly ⁓ version of events saying, you have always been unstable. We know that you are crazy. You belong in a psychiatric hospital.

 

and I never touched a hair on your head. And if you continue to say this, I will prosecute you. And it sent me spiralling down for probably about six months. I was gutted. And I thought, you know, I went back to my therapist and I said, I should have listened to you. It was the worst idea for me to do that.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (18:41)

But did it then galvanise you after you hit rock bottom to go, I’m coming after you?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (18:49)

It did, absolutely. Yeah, I got strong again, but it took a while.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (18:51)

yet.

 

I can imagine. And there’s no guarantee that you can bounce back from that. That is an awful, awful thing to experience. I’m so sorry. Yeah.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (19:06)

Thank you. I’m fine now.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (19:10)

Your strength in talking about this suggests that you’ve got the upper hand in this story now. So, but if at any time this feels uncomfortable, you let me know. So, yeah. So women listening who are carrying trauma, Martina, without going into the clinical depths, because I appreciate you are now well,

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (19:25)

I

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (19:39)

educated in this. Could you talk us through what healing tends to involve?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (19:47)

Yeah, healing. ⁓ Healing involves, first of all, finding a safe person that will believe you and support you through the healing journey, who will walk alongside you, whether that’s a sister, a therapist, a mum, or an auntie, someone who is believing and supportive.

 

can be difficult for some people to find. Sometimes they have grown up in families where there is no safe person.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (20:25)

Is it a coincidence that you’ve called out only female profiles or is that how it always plays out in terms of finding that safe person? Could that-

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (20:37)

Yeah, of course it could. Of course it could. I should have said that. It may be a male therapist. It may be a brother. Yeah, absolutely. A best friend. Yeah.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (20:47)

Okay, yeah. I think it’s probably important that we share that that be the case. We’re not pointing the finger at all men. ⁓

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (21:03)

Many men are very, very supportive and for example my husband who I’ve been with for 35 years, he has been my greatest support and has always believed me and believed in me.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (21:19)

Yeah, there we go. That’s a powerful thing to point out.

 

So I’d like to talk in a little bit more depth about perpetrators and there’s growing awareness that many abusers share common traits, particularly narcissistic behaviors. And there’ll be a crossover in DV in this as well. When you look at the work that you’ve done, are there similarities

 

in how perpetrators operate.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (21:58)

there are definitely similarities and there, I’ve talked about this a little bit earlier, they enjoy using power and control. They do not have empathy for their victims and that allows them to continue to perpetrate abuse, whether that’s domestic violence or sexual abuse or homicide. know, women,

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (22:08)

They have.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (22:27)

I think last year 75 women were killed in Australia by partners or ex-partners. they have this in common that they, yes, they have not, they do not have empathy for their victims or for their victims loved ones who are also damaged of course.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (22:38)

Thanks.

 

And we’ve already seen those numbers start to rise for 2026 already. haven’t got our processes in place to keep everybody safe yet.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (22:54)

Absolutely.

 

No, no,

 

and we keep, you know, I’m on my soapbox a bit, we put, ⁓ for example, people who have addictions, who have stolen a car and ⁓ been speeding, we put them in jail for five years. We put perpetrators of sexual abuse in jail for 18 months, if that, for six months.

 

or we give them good behaviour bonds or we let them out early for good behaviour. So the consequences are not the same as they are for other crimes that are far less harmful to the population.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (23:46)

They’re

 

certainly not aligned to the gravity of what they have perpetrated against somebody else. It wouldn’t be uncommon for survivors to say, know, what drew them to me? Why me? Was this my fault? I suspect self-blame is a big part of what a victim faces.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (24:16)

Yes, self-blame is something I always challenge. And I know for me, I felt a lot of self-blame. I’m crazy, I’m unhinged. I was crazy because I was sexually abused. And once I dealt with it, I was not, I realized I’m not crazy. was just deeply, deeply traumatized. You know, there’s the victim blaming typical, what was she wearing? Why were you out?

 

Yes. I was wearing pink pyjamas. I was wearing nappies. People of any age can get sexually abused. They might be wearing ⁓ a hospital gown.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (25:06)

Do we victim blame? What is behind that?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (25:08)

Because

 

we don’t want to know the truth about what happens behind closed doors. don’t want to, know, men still have the power. Men, we’re still living under a patriarchy where men have the power and we don’t, we’re scared to give women power. You know, it’s the, even the, the old story of Eve was made from Adam’s rib. No.

 

Adam was made from Eve’s womb. But we want to believe that it’s men that are the creators of everything, that are the powerful and smart ones.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (25:52)

That being said, are women ever the abusers?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (25:58)

Yes, are. can ⁓ be.

 

Yes, a small percentage of abusers are women and I think it’s really important to say that and to be aware of that. I have worked with ⁓ hundreds of sexually abused children and adults and probably perhaps 3 % have been ⁓ girls and women that have abused those people. So 3 to 5 %

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (26:31)

than I thought. Yeah. It’s higher than I thought. Yeah. And is that also about power?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (26:37)

Yes, it’s about power and control, same thing. Yeah. And it’s just as damaging ⁓ as if it was a boy or man.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (26:47)

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (26:50)

I know we’ve seen that in the news this week haven’t you? We have. female teacher.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (26:56)

Yes,

 

that’s what prompted my question. Yeah. You’re listening to the Power of Women podcast and I’m talking with Dr. Martina Zenger who is a victim of child sexual abuse. And coming up, we’re going to hear about how she ends up at the infamous Rajneesh cult in the US.

 

If you’re loving the Power of Women podcasts, be sure to jump onto our YouTube channel and hit that subscribe button to ensure you never miss an episode. Martina, many of my contemporaries will remember the Raj Nish movement and I do. was working in retail as a recent fashion graduate and I can remember this group of individuals.

 

constantly coming into my store, buying up everything that ever hit the racks that was in orange. And that was my first exposure. And it just seemed like this strange anomaly. But I remember the orange robes, I remember the Rolls Royces, and there was that infamous 60 minutes episode where one of the spokespeople for the cult said,

 

when challenged in an interview, they said tough titties and that was spoken by a woman. And that resonated and sticks in my mind from the time. And it was framed as a provocative counter-cultural, even a glamorous cult at that stage. I right in?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (28:23)

Yes

 

Yes, was a bit like a rock star. He was a very infamous, charismatic rock star guru.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (28:47)

Mmm.

 

There’s going to be an intersection here in what we’ve talked about previously about narcissistic behavior. I would suspect, yeah. So you encountered the Raj Nish at 19. Could you talk us through that and what you were looking for that led to that encounter?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (29:02)

Yes, very.

 

Yes.

 

Yes, so I had been very lost. I’d been to uni and dropped out in my first semester because I believed I was stupid, I can’t cope, I couldn’t handle adult life. I had no skills to handle adult life. So I was kind of drifting, working any job that I could get.

 

being a cleaner in a factory, working at Piermont fish markets, working as an assistant to a sports photographer, ⁓ working in a nursing home as an assistant in nursing, a sandwich hand. One job after another, ⁓ absolutely lost young woman between 17 and 19.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (30:04)

after another.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (30:13)

I then went and lived on a commune in the bush and I attended in Australia, yes. And at that commune, I attended a rebirthing workshop, which I wouldn’t really recommend people do. at that rebirthing workshop,

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (30:22)

Yeah.

 

even at saying that. mean we’ve seen more recent TV shows with Nine Perfect Strangers I think is the one that resonates in my mind now of how wrong that can go.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (30:50)

It

 

can go very wrong. I attended that workshop and I met a couple there who were Rajneeshis. They were wearing pink and red and purple and orange. They were wearing their necklaces, their beaded necklaces with the locket of his photo around their necks. And they gave me one of his books and that particular book was called My Way.

 

The Way of the White Clouds. And I read that book. They were going to, two days later they were travelling to America to live on his ashram, which was a 64,000 acre ashram in Oregon. Massive.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (31:38)

65,000 acre. I come from the country. I understand land math. That is enormous.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (31:43)

enormous, enormous. And so they looked so blissful. They were amazing. I just looked up to them, admired them, and I wanted what they had. I wanted that confidence, that smiling piece that detached happiness because I had none of that. So I devoured the book and

 

I devoured it in 24 hours and then decided I’m going to become a Rajneji too. And I moved back to Sydney to live near the ashram. They had an ashram in Darlinghurst. Yes, yeah, there was an ashram on the street.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (32:25)

is that right?

 

The

 

disenfranchised is such a successful strategy. There it is, laid bare.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (32:37)

Yes,

 

yes. I was so naive and I was such a needy young woman looking for, ⁓ looking to be saved by someone or something because I could not help myself.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (32:53)

Wow. And you then went to the US yourself?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (32:58)

I did, yes, so I had to save up madly because you had to have, it was an expensive cult to be part of.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (33:07)

You had to sustain this huge acreage.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (33:10)

Exactly. So we had to pay $8,000 to be there for a year. And that year we’re in 1981. So that was a lot of money in 1981. There was no way I could save that up doing making sandwiches.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (33:22)

That’s all.

 

You’ve been doing all of these odd jobs

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (33:33)

Yes, so I met another Rajneeshi. She lived across the road from me in Darlinghurst and she said, yes, I said to her, I need to make money because I want to go and live over there, which all of us wanted to do. That was the Holy Grail to live with him. And she said, ⁓ I’ve got a really great idea for you. I work in a brothel.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (33:41)

I they even existed.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (34:02)

and they’re always looking for people. It’s the easiest job in the world. Why don’t you try it? And I thought, yep, I’m going to do it. She said, you can make $500 a night. And that was in 1981.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (34:18)

The price of sex, it’s an expensive pursuit.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (34:22)

Yes. I went the next day for an interview and I was a real hippie. I didn’t wear makeup. had, I remember the ⁓ guy who interviewed me, he was a lovely gay guy and he said, just take off your clothes. Let me have a look at you. Cause I was wearing like baggy. ⁓ And I took my clothes off and I remember I was wearing like really sad, baggy cotton undies.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (34:43)

Big deal.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (34:52)

And he just shook his head. He goes, you’ve got to go and go next door and buy some really nice lingerie from, what was it called? ⁓ It’ll come to me. It was a really fancy, ⁓ the house of Maryvale. It was a few doors down in Pitt Street, yeah, in the city of Sydney.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (35:08)

Good heavens. Yes. It was next door to the house.

 

Angel Bar, House of Maryvale, right in the centre of town. Those who aren’t necessarily from Australia or Sydney-siders, the positioning of that is like centre of town anywhere in the world.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (35:22)

Right in the center. ⁓

 

center

 

of town exactly. And so he said go and get yourself some lingerie and this will be your uniform and you can start tomorrow.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (35:46)

Mind you, that is bloody expensive lingerie for somebody with no money who’s had odd jobs and is trying to look good for a stranger. mean… ⁓

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (35:57)

Absolutely, it killed my bank account. Yeah

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (36:01)

I have no doubt.

 

There’s so many things wrong with that story, Martina. It’s like… So many things wrong with it.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (36:08)

you

 

Yes, so I started working there the following day. I was scared but so desperate to get to America, to the Guru that that overrode everything. It overrode my sense of this is dangerous, I’m scared.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (36:35)

So how long did you work at the brothel before you made that money?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (36:41)

Yeah, so I worked there for 18 months. I could have saved it up much quicker, but I then went on spending sprees because having all that money was so, it was so infectious and addictive that I would, you know, I would see a purple satin maxi dress halter neck and go, I want that. And I would buy it at the house of Maryvale.

 

⁓ I was having expensive hairdos and I was all of that stuff because I was young and silly. I wanted those things. So that’s why it took much longer than it should have. I was sending 10 to 20 percent of my income to the ashram, ⁓ which was what we were, it was tithing. It was tithing a bit like in churches where you tithe 10 percent of your income.

 

So that also drained the funds significantly. And I did workshops, I did these stupid Rajneesh workshops that were supposed to heal us. And they were expensive too. So yes, took a bit longer than I…

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (38:02)

So what year did you land at the ashram?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (38:07)

I

 

think it was 1982. 1982, yes.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (38:10)

Yeah, right

 

What a very different contrast in what I was doing to the journey you were going through. But so many people be able to put a line in the sand and say, what did my life look like at that point in time? And it’s such a contrast. So you got there in 1982. How long before the penny dropped that this whole thing was a ruse?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (38:38)

Yeah, look, unfortunately it took eight whole years and it’s a bit like a bad marriage. I stayed in it hoping that things would get better. I stayed because I was committed to this path, this spiritual path that I believed would heal me. I believed that if I was on this path, I never had to

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (38:50)

in beta.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (39:07)

deal with my past with the sexual abuse, I would just be magically healed by the Guru and by the

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (39:14)

Did it ever come up in any of your workshops? it ever?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (39:17)

It did actually, but then I would just push it down. I would push it down very quickly. I did. You did. I did, yeah. And they, I mean, they would have too, but I would come up and I would just say, no, don’t talk about it.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (39:23)

You did all they did.

 

Yeah. Do you know why?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (39:39)

Shame. Again, was the shame. I’m dirty. I’m damaged goods. I’m a mess. I’m fucked up.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (39:47)

Yeah.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (39:49)

Yeah,

 

I wanted to be this spiritual shiny girl.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (39:54)

Yeah. So how did you, what was the tipping point to say this is not right and how did you extract yourself from that incredibly powerful hold that they had over you? Yeah.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (40:11)

So when I first got there I was so excited but very quickly I realized things are not ⁓ gonna be as I imagined them to be. So I was driven by a lovely Rajneesh man to my new home which was a little cute, the cutest little A-frame.

 

wooden A-frame and I just thought my god I’m going to be so happy here. But when I went into the A-frame I realised I had to share it with two other people. It was a tiny room, a tiny room with three mattresses on the floor with hardly any room to between the mattresses to walk and that was my home for 18 months and we had to work seven days a week

 

12 hours a day, there was no day of rest, no day for fun. ⁓ And I worked as a member of the pipe crew, was called the pipe crew, was, we were digging ditches in the desert, the Oregonian desert. And the ditches were like quite thin ditches and we laid irrigation pipes.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (41:29)

I was going to say you were doing the work to sustain the property.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (41:34)

Absolutely. We growing all the vegetables, all the fruit, all the trees. And I was shocked that I was so shocked. It was a hard job. Like digging with a pickaxe is really hard. A pickaxe and a shovel. So yes, it was a…

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (41:55)

He

 

was on to a good thing while it lasted. Bloody hell! Yeah!

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (42:01)

And the reason I finally left there, I just want to add one thing before that. He was at that time in silence, so he didn’t speak. He used to give sermons, but he had stopped speaking publicly because he said, I’ve said everything I need to say and I’m tired of talking, so I’m not talking. instead of talking.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (42:25)

Before

 

I’m gonna get myself into more litigious shit if I keep going

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (42:31)

Yes, absolutely. So at that time, we only saw him at what was called drive-by, which was he would drive past us in one of his 84 Rolls Royces every day after lunch. And we would line up on the side of the road. 2,000 followers would line up with our hands in namaste and wait for him to drive by and

 

look at us and wave at us and we would jump up and down, we would play musical instruments and be so excited to see him.

 

Yes.

 

Adoring. Thank God it ended. eventually he went back to India because he was deported from America. He went back to India to his original ashram and I went there three times in the time that I was part of the Rajneesh movement. The third time I went

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (43:39)

Is that what happened?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (43:58)

there was a really tragic event which actually allowed me to leave him and break up with the cult. And that was that his girlfriend, he had had this girlfriend called Vivek, a beautiful, beautiful English woman who had been his girlfriend since she was 18. She was the person I most aspired to be.

 

I thought she was the luckiest woman alive because she lived with him. She was always in the Rolls Royce with him in the front seat, the passenger seat. And yet there was a deep unhappiness in her and she actually died by suicide while I was there in India. The poor, poor woman. And he ⁓ told us we were not allowed to go to the funeral. She had done the most…

 

the most ⁓ gutless thing anyone could do and we would not speak about her again. is how he framed it. And that woke me up. just went, I am so angry that no one has compassion for this poor, beautiful woman, Vivek.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (45:14)

Was

 

there age power play in this? How old was

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (45:16)

Oh god yeah.

 

She would have been, she would have been 25 and he would have been 50.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (45:25)

So it’s exactly where we started the conversation.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (45:29)

Yes, exactly.

 

And it was that day that I went into town, into Pune, and I bought my ticket home and I left the cult and I changed my name back to Martina. Yeah, from India. And that was it. I never looked back.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (45:49)

How will?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (45:49)

Yeah,

 

that was, I was 27. So I was a Rajneji from 19 to 27. It’s a long time.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (46:00)

No wonder you had to write a memoir, Martina, because there is a lot of lived experience to put down, but it’s the same thread. It’s the same repetitive thread just in different settings. mean, it’s movie worthy. It’s extraordinary.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (46:24)

Yes, yeah if anyone wants to know more about the cult there’s a really good Netflix series called Wild Wild Country and it’s really worth watching because it’s about the ashram in Oregon the $64,000, $64,000 acre ashram. yeah it’s worth watching.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (46:43)

Yeah. Yeah, right.

 

Say that title again for us.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (46:50)

Wild, wild country. W-I-L-D, yeah, wild, wild country. It’s actually not completely, ⁓ it’s still the people that they interview ⁓ are all people that still love the Guru. So it’s skewed towards.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (47:13)

So is it documentary?

 

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (47:16)

It’s a documentary which has some propaganda but you can also see through it. Yeah, but the Rajneeshis, their interview are still Rajneeshis. I wish they had also interviewed… No, he passed away. He passed away. They don’t know. They said, I think they said heart failure but some people say he also… ⁓

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (47:22)

Okay.

 

He’s no longer with us.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (47:46)

⁓ He chose euthanasia and that his doctor gave him a lethal injection. But I don’t know.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (47:57)

So without going into detail, there’s often solidarity in ⁓ women in marginalised or high risk environments, which is what I suspect you found in the sex work. Absolutely. again, in the cult. Very much so.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (48:18)

Yes,

 

it’s a absolutely.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (48:21)

call it a cult. What

 

from your personal and professional experience matters so much about this camaraderie that you find in these most extraordinary settings?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (48:36)

Yes, I mean the women at the brothel, were beautiful to me. They were just lovely because I was younger than them and they were much more experienced at their work than I was. They took me under their wing and I loved being around them. They were very funny. They they looked out for each other. They looked out for me. I looked out for them as well.

 

And I’ve always loved women ⁓ and felt very comfortable with women. I just felt very at home with them and cared for. If I had a bad client, they would always debrief with me afterwards and care for me. ⁓ So that was really important. At the ashram, I had…

 

really good, I made really good friends on the pipe crew. We were a gang of people who had a lot of fun together.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (49:42)

It

 

just, I can’t get my head around it on a gang on the pipe crew. It’s like chain gang stuff. It’s bizarre. Just bizarre. all jokes aside, this ⁓ choice of women to support women in these extraordinary settings is incredibly powerful. And something that

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (49:52)

Yes.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (50:11)

you know, I harp on about in Power of Women. It’s not always found and you found it in extraordinary settings to be plentiful.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (50:24)

Yes, absolutely. And I already had found it as a girl, as a child. found, because my own mother had a mental illness and was very suicidal and absent because she had been abused by the same two men, her father and her brother. So she was not a good mum. She was very troubled. This was generational.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (50:27)

Yeah.

 

Yeah.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (50:52)

 

I found very early on, I found girlfriends whose mothers took me under their wing. I would visit them, I would hang out there, I would stay weekends. I would be away from home as much as possible and those mothers and girls really loved me. I think I was a lovable kid. Thank God I was a lovable kid. And so I did always have loving women who

 

I think they sensed that things were not okay at home. And even though I hid it and would never talk about it, and they cared for me, which is very fortunate. And funny enough, I’ve done the same thing with my daughter. I’ve cared for her girlfriends ⁓ who also some of them have had difficult childhoods.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (51:47)

Yeah, there’s the positive aspect of that you have traveled. So at what point do you see women moving from surviving their past to authoring their future? Is there a profound point on the continuum that that happens?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (51:51)

Absolutely.

 

think it doesn’t happen straight away which is really hard because you want that healing so desperately once you embark on the path of healing, once you start therapy or once you disclose it to your best friend and yet it takes, I think it takes at least a couple of years to find some strength, some power and strength to ⁓ believe in yourself, to let go of the shame.

 

and to have a voice. And that is a long time to wait. I remember I used to say to my beautiful therapist, you know, how much longer until I feel better? And it took, I think it took a couple of years. Yes, yes. And I was very committed. And I think, you know, some other people, some other women can’t be committed because they don’t have the money to go to therapy. Or they have

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (52:57)

It’s a string.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (53:11)

four kids at home and they don’t have the time to go to therapy or they don’t have a car to get there.

 

Yeah, so it takes time and patience. And money, absolutely.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (53:23)

and money.

 

Yeah. Wow! Is your book on the shelves already?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (53:32)

Yes it is, it came out in September last year and it’s on the shelves and it’s also available on Amazon and on Kindle.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (53:41)

Yeah, what a read. What a read. Could you just, the title is…

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (53:46)

Not My Shame. Not My Shame. that is, I chose that title because at the time Giselle Pellicot in France was talking about, with her court case, she was talking about shame must change sides. And that’s why I chose that title, yes.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (54:11)

What a profound point in time to bring it up, because that was one of the most terrific cases anywhere in the world that any of us could ever have heard about.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (54:23)

and yet what a strong woman she is.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (54:25)

Absolutely. And I’m assuming listeners know the story we’re talking about, but it was the woman who was repeatedly abused by strangers ⁓ for years as a result of her husband drugging her and running it as an enterprise. just one of the darkest examples of a perpetrator one could ever even imagine. So yeah.

 

I’m going to close with a couple of rapid fire questions today, Martina.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (55:01)

Okay.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (55:02)

what something survivors are really told but should be.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (55:09)

The most important thing is for a survivor to hear is, I believe you. And also, secondly, it’s not your fault. It’s the perpetrator’s fault. They’re very powerful statements.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (55:24)

Very powerful, they give me goosebumps listening to you say them just now. What’s one assumption about trauma that does more harm than good?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (55:36)

that you can never heal, that you’ll always be damaged. And we can heal and we will have relief from the damage of abuse.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (55:49)

Yep, great affirmation. If a woman listening right now is still blaming herself, what do want her to hear?

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (55:58)

I want her to hear that it is not her fault and that there is help available and maybe we can put some things in the show notes. There is help available, there is actually free help available for those who don’t, who can’t afford therapy ⁓ and they don’t have to walk this path alone.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (56:23)

Absolutely. Martina, thank you so much for what is just the most extraordinary conversation today about your own personal experience and the incredibly informative information that you’ve shared for somebody who has been through this horrendous trauma of sexual abuse and in particular child sexual abuse and how to…

 

⁓ approach that as part of a journey of healing and shifting that shame from oneself to perpetrator. And to your point, absolutely, I will ask you to share with me some links that we can put into the show notes for our listeners. ⁓ And that then becomes something powerful that they can also pass on and share the episode with somebody that

 

they believe really does need to listen to a conversation such as the one that we’ve had today. as unfortunate as it is, there are plenty of victims out there who are yet to face into the healing journey, I suspect. And hopefully this goes some way to…

 

identifying a roadmap for somebody to pursue to start that path.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (57:54)

Fantastic. Thank you so much for your time, and for the opportunity to have a chat with you.

 

DI GILLETT [HOST] (58:02)

my absolute privilege. Thank you, Martina. Until next time.

 

DR MARTINA ZANGGER [GUEST] (58:06)

Thank you, Di.

Chapters:

00:00 Rage and Hope: The Duality of Healing

01:53 Childhood Trauma: A Hidden Reality

05:57 The Journey to Disclosure

09:46 The Importance of Safe Spaces

14:02 Shame: The Silent Burden

18:13 Confronting the Past

21:58 Understanding Perpetrators

25:58 The Role of Women in Healing

30:04 The Rajneesh Cult Experience

38:02 Breaking Free from the Cult

46:00 Empowerment Through Storytelling

 

Connect with Di:

Connect with Di on LinkedIn

Follow Power Of Women on LinkedIn

Follow Di on Instagram

The Power Of Women Podcast Instagram

Contact Di

 

Find Martina at:

Website https://martinazangger.com.au/

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-martina-zangger-9b29874a/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/martinazangger/

 

Resources [Australia]:

Free Services for victim-survivors:

https://victimsservices.justice.nsw.gov.au (22 free counselling sessions for victims of crime NSW)

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732 (free DV and SA counselling 24 hours)

https://www.thesurvivorhub.org.au (free monthly peer support group)

https://bravehearts.org.au (Bravehearts: Free counselling for victims of CSA)

 

This is the home of unapologetic conversations and powerful stories of reinvention. New episodes drop every Monday to fuel your week with insights on leadership, resilience, and success. Subscribe and join a community of women who are changing the game.

 

Want more fearless, unfiltered stories?

 

💫 Subscribe to the Power Of Women Podcast on YouTube, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts

Your ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify keeps these stories alive.

 

📩 Sign up for our newsletter where I share raw reflections and thought leadership on the Power Of Reinvention.

 

Disclaimer:  https://powerofwomen.com.au/podcast-disclaimer/

40 Years in Modelling… and Fully Employed at 57

40 Years in Modelling… and Fully Employed at 57

In this episode, Kate Bell reflects on a 40-year modelling career that defies conventional timelines. Modelling is one of the toughest industries in the world and at 57, Kate is still fully employed.

She speaks openly about ageism, rejection, women’s self-perception, and the practices that sustained her – from yoga and writing to self-discipline and creative expression.

Rather than positioning reinvention as a single turning point, Kate describes a career built on constant adaptation and responsibility for how she responds to life and work.

 

➡️You’ll Hear :

How rejection shaped Kate’s professional detachment and resilience

Why mature women are still underrepresented in fashion

The role of creativity as a lifelong stabiliser

What staying relevant actually requires

 

Kate said:

“Modelling is a job where you’re constantly and consistently wrong and rejected.”

“I’m healthier, happier, and more alive at 57 than I’ve ever been.”

“For real equality to happen, women must work together. Together we rise.”

Chapters:

00:00 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Connection

02:55 The Glamorous Yet Tough World of Modelling

05:56 Facing Industry Realities: Bullying and Racism

09:06 Reinvention and Self-Kindness

11:55 The Power of Intuition and Personal Growth

15:07 Creativity as an Anchor in Life

21:08 Resilience in the Face of Rejection

26:25 The Nature of Rejection in Modelling

35:05 Women’s Self-Perception and Aging

45:07 Empowerment and Support Among Women

 

Connect with Di:

Connect with Di on LinkedIn

Follow Power Of Women on LinkedIn

Follow Di on Instagram

The Power Of Women Podcast Instagram

Contact Di

 

Find Kate Bell at:

Instagram  https://www.instagram.com/i_am_katebell/

Substack https://katebell.substack.com/?r=vl8lb&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=profile&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQMMjU2MjgxMDQwNTU4AAGn64pbkZE-s9uwUSetIa6JvlFQgH1zXycTZNUvbFT0wq_Y8VirwV4vpmKIZAU_aem_vjgIJmSrXCBU5tGgeYRE_g

 

This is the home of unapologetic conversations and powerful stories of reinvention. New episodes drop every Monday to fuel your week with insights on leadership, resilience, and success. Subscribe and join a community of women who are changing the game.

Want more fearless, unfiltered stories?

 

💫 Subscribe to the Power Of Women Podcast on YouTube, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts

Your ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify keeps these stories alive.

 

📩 Sign up for our newsletter where I share raw reflections and thought leadership on the Power Of Reinvention.

 

Disclaimer:  https://powerofwomen.com.au/podcast-disclaimer/

It’s Time to Stop Backing Your Doubts and Start Backing Yourself

It’s Time to Stop Backing Your Doubts and Start Backing Yourself

What happens when women stop backing their doubts and start backing themselves?

In this unfiltered conversation, Margie Warrell, globally recognised expert in leadership and human behaviour, and  bestselling author, joins Di Gillett on the Power Of Women Podcast to explore why self-doubt, not ability, is the biggest limiter of women’s leadership, visibility and agency.

Margie shares her personal journey through adversity, loss, and reinvention, revealing how courage is built through action – not confidence – and why waiting to feel ready is often the very thing holding women back.

This episode is for women who know they’re capable of more, but feel caught between who they are now and who they’re meant to become.

 

➡️In this episode, we explore:

Why the chances we don’t take cost us more than the ones we do

How self-doubt limits women’s visibility, leadership and financial independence.

Why courage is not a feeling, but a decision

Why choosing your response is the ultimate act of power.

 

Key takeaways::

It’s the chances we don’t take that we regret the most.

Backing ourselves is crucial to overcoming self-doubt.

Financial independence is foundational to female agency.

Adversity doesn’t define you – how you respond does.

We are not our struggles or doubts; we are more than that.

 

 

📖 Read the full transcript of this conversation here 👇

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (00:11.784)

It’s the chances that we don’t take that we regret the most. And too often we back our doubts versus backing ourselves. And when we let our doubts call the shots and direct our action, they sell us short and they shortchange the future and they actually sell everyone else short of who it is we could be.

 

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself, what would you do if you went all in and backed yourself? I’m Di Gillett and this is the Power of Women podcast. And what I love about this platform is the opportunity to showcase and celebrate the strength, resilience and achievements of women from all walks of life. Today’s guest, Margie Worrell is somebody who embodies that spirit and fully commits. She’s a bestselling author.

 

global keynote speaker and leadership coach whose work has inspired countless women to lead with courage and conviction. In this conversation, we’ll explore what limits brave thinking and decisive action, how to turn self-doubt into growth, and why the bravest thing any woman can do is back herself. Margie Worrell, welcome to the Power of Women podcast.

 

Thank you for having me die.

 

Margie, I can detect an international accent. I know you’re sitting in New York today and I’m here in Oz, but where exactly did you grow up?

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (01:46.338)

I grew up, Victorians may stand a chance of knowing where I grew up, most people who don’t come from Victoria have never heard of it, but I grew up in a little tiny place called Nungurna that’s midway between Lake Sentrance and Bairnsdale in East Gippsland, Victoria. We didn’t even have a shop.

 

There was a school, I was the only kid in my grade, and I grew up on a dairy farm. My dad obviously milked cows, my whole childhood. So it was a very rural Aussie country kid upbringing.

 

We have that in common, Margie. I too grew up in country Victoria, but we had a couple of shops close by. So yours was slightly more rural than mine. And I always feel that people who have had that rural upbringing, it absolutely plays into who they become later in life because there’s a certain resilience that comes from that.

 

Does that play into how your character has formed, do you think, over time?

 

There’s no doubt, Di, I think you learn to be a little scrappy. You learn to pick yourself up a lot. I also feel that it’s such a humble upbringing in many ways. There’s nothing about it that you could use if you were trying to be pretentious about

 

DI GILLETT: Host (03:04.831)

you

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (03:21.698)

you know, what you did or where you went to school or and so it’s a wonderfully grounding place to start life from. And I think it shaped me in many, many ways. I think Australian culture shaped me in the sense that it was a bigger insult to be called up yourself or stuck up than it was to be called a bitch or mean.

 

You know, it’s like, maybe I don’t call me stuck up don’t say I’m up myself and so I think the flip side of that is that we can be too humble and we can talk ourselves down too much but but I I feel like it’s all I always look back at my childhood with with a lot of gratitude for the ways it shaped me and I’m you know, I

 

It’s probably shaped me in a few ways I’ve had to overcome too. You know, so much self-doubt and who am I to do that? And maybe a lack of self-belief throughout my adult journey, which is sort of why I write and speak and have such a deep passion around courage because I feel like I’ve had to practice it a lot.

 

And I bet it also came into teaching you to get up early because nobody gets up earlier than dairy farmers.

 

Well, I will say my dad probably got up earlier than the rest of us. It’s not like, guess people picture me and all my siblings, I’m a big sister of seven, picture us down there at the crack of dawn milking the cows. The fact is, dad did a lot of the hardest work in the early mornings and we pitched in around it. the truth is I am an early riser, so who knows, maybe that’s what shaped it.

 

DI GILLETT: Host (05:06.67)

I must admit, Margie, we had an infestation of snails in our backyard the other week and I pulled on gumboots and went out and squashed them and my husband grew up in the city and he was horrified and I said in the country there was nothing more fun than going out and stomping on snails.

 

Stuff like that or throwing cow muck at each other or I mean yeah there’s a lot of things that I did for fun that when I tell people they’re slightly aghast so I have to choose my own.

 

Yeah, no, I get that. It’s the same in my world. So what took you to the US and how long have you been there?

 

Well, this is my second time living here. The first time I moved here, I mean, I backpacked around America when I was 21. I saved up my travel as checks as a lot of Aussies do. And I should mention my mum was born in America, but she moved to Australia when she was seven. And so growing up though, I always was like, my mum’s American. She didn’t have an American accent. She was not, she didn’t act

 

remotely like what we think of as American. She was super introverted and quiet and private and understated. But I always had this little kind of probably emotional connection to the United States simply from mom always cherished her US roots and actually never became an Australian citizen always until she died two years ago always kept her US citizenship even though she didn’t vote or anything. She just

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (06:42.766)

It meant a lot to her. So I’ll just say that because some people kind of like helps explain a little bit maybe why I was drawn here. But when I, after I met my husband, I was like, I really want to go and live globally. And he is from Melbourne and he is an engineer and work for a big company. And an opportunity came up in 2001. had, actually I was pregnant with our third child to move to their corporate head office.

 

And honestly, it just seemed like, yeah, let’s do it. What an exciting opportunity for him professionally, but for us as a family. And so we moved to the US. As it turned out, we packed up our house literally the morning that everyone in Australia was waking up to the news of 9-11. And I had a five-week-old baby and a two-year-old and a three-year-old.

 

We could all remember where we were at that time. Yeah.

 

We can. I mean, it was a really challenging time. I mean, one having three tiny children, but then moving somewhere where there was zero support and no friends and then add on the whole, you know, 9-11 fear factor and everything. So I lived here actually for 11 years and really came, I mean, my professional career in terms of coaching and speaking and writing, I started that in the United States.

 

You know, they’re kind of in a deep back studying before I moved to the US, but I launched it living in Dallas, Texas with four kids, five and under. And then moved up to Northern Virginia.

 

DI GILLETT: Host (08:14.926)

I think, yep.

 

think it’s just like, you know, you’ve got four kids, five and under, but I can start a coaching business. And then had 11 years and then moved back to Melbourne for five years, Di, which was in 2012 through 2017. And I’m really grateful for that. It came out of the blue. Again, Husband’s Company said, want to move you back to Australia. It wasn’t, we had zero inkling that that was going to happen.

 

But it was a really beautiful opportunity for my kids to know what it is to be really live in Australia. And they went to primary and high school in Australia. And I think it really solidified their identity as Aussies. They’re very global and all of them.

 

Do they identify as Aussies or do they identify as global citizens?

 

The oldest three, my youngest was born in US, but the oldest three, and they all have Aussie accents. They got back, I remember their first day at school, my oldest, Lachlan, was nearly 14 coming home, and he goes, I told people I’m Australian, and they’re saying, they say I’m not, they’re saying I’m an American, because I sound American, and he had a real American accent, and I won’t, I won’t, I won’t do that to you. And so insulted that people didn’t think he was Australian.

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (09:33.966)

I just know the kids went on up like we are going to sound Australian as fast as we can and they have never given up that Australian like they were there you know several years up to five and a half of my younger two and I think that for them was just to know this is how we’re Australian we will sound Australian.

 

How wonderful. So tell me what was it experience or your upbringing that drew you into this interest in human behaviour, Margie?

 

There’s probably a little bit of both, but it was definitely some difficult experiences in my 20s. I actually moved to Papua New Guinea in my 20s. had three years there and then back to Melbourne, then to Adelaide, then to Dallas, then to DC, then back to Melbourne, then to Singapore, and then back to the US. So that’s the trajectory of all the moves. But during my time in Papua New Guinea, I had had an eating disorder. I’d had bulimia through my teens die.

 

Ironically, I heard about, believe me, a reading of Dolly magazine when I was 13. And I thought…

 

Doesn’t that ring a chord? Hmm.

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (10:42.35)

a great way for me to be skinny. I just want to be skinny and I wasn’t skinny. I mean we say that now and we listen to that and go, but that’s me at 12, me at 13 was desperate to be skinny, like centrin to say.

 

And so many of our listeners would relate to that. I totally relate to that.

 

had tried taking laxatives and all that anyway cut a long story short I ended up for 13 years struggling with bulimia

 

In secret, Margie, or was it known to others?

 

Yeah, really, yeah, really in secret. And my parents knew, but they didn’t know what to do and they never said anything except making the odd off the cuff remark about don’t waste food. Like, don’t waste good food. And I just think they didn’t have the tools, they didn’t know how to deal with why would someone eat and throw up, you know. And of course, I didn’t know what to, you know, it’s not something I shared with anyone.

 

DI GILLETT: Host (11:46.542)

The system didn’t have many tools to help us with it either.

 

No, there was still and there was so much shame. I remember just thinking if people knew and they wouldn’t like me and and I was pretty high functioning. I mean, I always did well at school. I was very social. I got great grades. I just see school.

 

How low is it in, because it needs determination to do that?

 

Yeah, I so, but I carried that with me. I shared it with my friend Anna, Anna Quinn. Hello Anna, if she ever listens to this in Brisbane. And I shared it with her at university. And I didn’t want to tell anyone and I told her and she said, and it was just the power of friendship. She said, you know, maybe you should go and talk to someone. Maybe you should go see a psychologist. And I was like, but only crazy.

 

I had this thing that only people who are really not functional see psychologists. But it was like, that maybe that would be a good idea. And that was the start of the journey. But it was while living in Papua New Guinea, five years on, I moved there at 2026, that it flared up again and I did a 12-step program. And I made friends with a few fabulous women.

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (13:08.258)

who was struggling with their own things. One of them cut herself. you know, people were having, infidelity was rampant. And I found myself the confident of a lot of people, not a lot, but a handful. And I realized I really wanted to, I discovered Scott Peck and Wayne Dyer, and I was like, I wanna be someone that helps people deal with the internal struggles.

 

and I met so many smart, amazing people that were hurting themselves. And that was really the beginning of the journey. And then while I was there, I ended up in an armed robbery die and I lost a baby, first child, only 20 weeks pregnant, 10 days later. And that was pretty traumatic. And just as I picked myself up from that, I decided, I just want to go back and study psychology. I had been working in marketing.

 

and that was that took me off on the path that I have been on ever since and that was gee that was 1997. Where are we so you know was that 28 years ago? Yeah something like that and I had no idea where it would go by the way. had no idea. I’d never heard of coaching. I didn’t even know that people got paid to speak. Writing a book never crossed my mind.

 

It was more, at that moment I would have said, I wanna be a psychologist.

 

Wow, that’s a huge amount of experience leading into that, Margie. Thank you for sharing. how did that then become, because bold moves and courage has become your thing, how did you even tap into that to then talk about that based on such challenging life experiences that you went through?

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (15:04.878)

When we share the things that we have shame around, it removes and helps dissolve the shame. So that was one thing. And I felt almost a sense of obligation. I don’t, my identity isn’t that I had an eating disorder and I don’t always share it because I don’t always feel it’s relevant. But when I do feel it can be relevant or helpful, happily share it. don’t know if the word happily, but I’m really comfortable and I feel really, I really feel a strong sense of

 

conviction and an end obligation around sharing that story. But I should also mention, you know, I have a brother who had a brutal mental illness for a decade, schizophrenia before he took his life. And I have another brother who had a terrible accident two years before Peter took his life and became paraplegic, had developed, it was spinal injury, has paraplegia still ever since then.

 

and my mom’s really struggled with depression, there was just numerous pretty brutal experiences. I had ended up with five miscarriages, you know, and I think I believe that each of us is born with a unique set of talents and I feel a strong sense of purpose around

 

the work that I do, but so much of that comes from the hardest experiences that I’ve had. And yes, have I been bold and had a sense of adventure? Sure, yeah, I have. But it’s not been in the absence of a lot of doubt and a lot of misgivings and a voice in my head Di that says, who do you think you are? And just wait, someone’s going to realize you don’t know as much as you think.

 

you’re not that brave, you’re not that, you know, like that voice is there. And, you know, that comes, obviously comes from the childhood days when big sister, I couldn’t help my mom enough when there was a lot of pressure on me, et cetera, to always be doing things and never feeling like I was measuring up. So just, I think all of those experiences have shaped me, but also that’s where I probably have drawn my own wisdom over the years too.

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (17:20.142)

Who we are is not our doubts, who we are is not our struggles and our setbacks and our hardships and our heartaches. Who we are is something infinitely more than that. And so often our fear and those stories that we’ve been telling ourselves for a long, time create this barrier that keeps us from really connecting with what I think is the sacredness of who we are.

 

I see ourselves as not so much physical beings having this occasional spiritual experience, but really spiritual beings who have these earth suits and have this physical experience. a quote that I actually put in my last book, The Courage Gap, is that God had a dream and he wrapped your body around it. I just, that sort of encapsulates a little bit of how I

 

I view life for myself, do you view all of us as here on this planet for so long and what does it mean for us to live lives that are just really true and honoring who we are and the journey we’ve had.

 

I did an episode last year, Margie, with Carly Lyon, and she talks about three universal thoughts, and one of them is exactly what you said. Who do you think you are? I mean, your life experiences and the adversity from a personal level could have absolutely broken you and would have broken many.

 

decisions did you take and can you share how you actually didn’t allow that to become the defining moment that broke you and kept going? Because you had multiple encounters that could have been a tipping point.

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (19:13.08)

Yeah, you know, I can recall I’m a journal die. I’ve been a journal all my life. Well, since I remember finding a little diary, you know, when I was 11 on back then it was like Sharon’s my best friend and I like Ricky and I hate Ricky and you know, like that’s where I started as an 11 year old. I’ve often, I’ve often just written to process what I think and,

 

And I’m mindful as I’m speaking to you now, you probably have largely a straight in audience and I’m very mindful of the cynicism around religion sometimes or certainly, you know, spirituality. But I have a really strong faith system and that has been

 

a huge source of resilience for me and courage. And I recall though after I was in this arm droppery, it was pretty violent. And then 10 days later, I got told your baby has died. And I was 27. No, just turned 27. And I remember journaling a lot because there was a lot of like, what the fuck, God.

 

Like seriously, how could this happen to me? can’t believe, I mean, I knew intellectually women have miscarriages. knew, you know, that bad things can happen to good people. I knew that, but I just somehow didn’t think it would happen to me in really close succession, like super tight timeframe there. So I hadn’t even processed the first event and the second happened.

 

And so I journaled a lot and I wrangled and I was like, you know, fighting with reality, fighting with whatever I call it, God, right? I’m just going to say that. And some people might go, I don’t believe in God. I’m like, okay, you’re just fighting with life. Like what has happened here? And, and I just remember journaling a lot, trying to make sense of it all. But I arrived at probably six weeks, two months. And after those events,

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (21:27.03)

And there came a moment and a lot of people felt really sorry for me. know, word had spread, know, she was in his arm drummer and then she lost her baby and people were feeling really sorry, a lot of sympathy, which is nice. But I could feel people treating me like a victim and I was a victim. There was no doubt I had been a victim of, you know, violence. I had been a victim of miscarriage as are many, many, many women. Mother nature, whatever you call it.

 

But I remember having this moment of clarity. I do not want to identify as a victim.

 

absolutely want to reclaim all the power that I’ve given away to woe is me and my pity party and this isn’t fair and how can this happen to me and it didn’t happen to the five other women I know that are pregnant right now who are now getting bigger and bigger and and and so I just remember this moment of decision. I will not give my circumstances the power to define me. I will define myself and it was a real it was a real moment of clarity.

 

I get to choose who I am and I get to create my story and it will not be a story of poor me. And it was that little name that was on that moment of like, what is it that I will do this year that I’m not? And I went back and I signed up Deakin University back then with distance education and I signed up and did this course in psychology and that was the start of the path I’m on. But I think there’s been many moments since then where

 

And in more recent years too, when things aren’t the way I’d like them to be. And yeah, I’m as vulnerable as everyone to going down the, it’s not fair. And it shouldn’t be this way. I’ll never make it. know, all the negative tales we can tell ourselves and those shameful stories we can tell ourselves. And I’ve just become a little more masterful. I’m not saying I’m a master, but a little better.

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (23:29.12)

at catching myself when I’m in the midst of telling this story that I know is not empowering me, that is sucking my HNC, that is keeping me from backing myself.

 

And so hence the courage piece that I talk about and write about, which isn’t an absence of doubt and fear and everything else, it’s the decision that something else is more important. It’s not an emotion, I disagree with Brené Brown on this one, you the emotion of courage. Like if we’re waiting to feel brave or courageous, you could be waiting until you’re 100. No, it is a decision, it’s a practice, it’s a discipline.

 

I’m gonna do this thing even though I’m honestly, my stomach is feeling sick and I’m terrified that people are gonna discover I’m really not that good. But I’m gonna do it anyway because I don’t wanna look back one day and go what if.

 

Can you draw a thread, and I know in my own life through adversity, I draw a thread coming all the way back to growing up in a country setting because there is nothing more challenging than your survival being dependent on the weather. You can’t control it. So you’ve got to be incredibly damn resilient to bounce back.

 

When things outside of your control keep getting thrown at you and making life difficult, you either make a decision to fold up and walk away or you make a decision to keep going. Do you see a thread between childhood and those decisions that you’ve made to go, I’m going to take control of this?

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (25:15.682)

realized that I had experienced some trauma when I was nine until about six or seven years ago. And I’ll share the story because it was interesting when I connected the dots. When I was nine, it was a terrible drought and my dad had to sell his entire herd, couldn’t afford to feed them, except a few cows that he kept for our family and for bartering with local fishermen and et cetera.

 

And I remember as the cattle truck went down the lane way, just looking at dad and I realized like, how are we going to get money? And none of my other siblings, I think they were too young. They just, I was just so clear for me, it was like, this is the source of income going down the lane way. And I remember my dad saying, I don’t know, but we just have to trust the good Lord will provide. And I remember thinking, how does the good Lord provide? Like, does he, does he just put money on the back of a rander? Do we win tax lotto? Like,

 

And for the next four years, my dad did odd jobs with his tractor. mean, we, I mean, we never went to restaurant my whole childhood, but we always had op shop clothes. Like there wasn’t, there was never any money. I mean, not that, but we never, of course, went hungry. And so I guess the good Lord did provide, but it was as an adult, a few years ago when something happened and the certainty I had about future financial security suddenly was blown up and I had an anxiety attack.

 

And I knew it was irrational. knew intellectually it was irrational. I wasn’t going to end up on the streets in destitute. But it was like that truck was going down the laneway again. And suddenly the nine-year-old in me was like, I’m terrified that I’m not going to be, that I don’t have enough security. And of course, as kids, we look to our parents to make us feel secure.

 

and I had to just look in and go, you know what, Maggie, know, no one’s coming to save you, but seek within yourself the security you look for elsewhere. And I really overreacted to the situation. It was disproportionate. My fear factor was disproportionate. And so I do realize I don’t think I would have ever married a farmer die. I don’t think as an adult, never.

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (27:39.746)

wanted that level of insecurity that it was dependent on the prices, the cream prices and the weather systems. I also don’t think I’ve ever married an entrepreneur.

 

Mmm, for the same risk profile.

 

I don’t want to lose it all. I don’t think I’ve ever met an artist. I’ve always had a crush on Hugh Jackman. It’s funny, my husband is an engineer and it wasn’t a conscious decision.

 

Well maybe it… yeah.

 

But I think at a subconscious level, like, engineer, you know. And so I see that now. But I also think those experiences that were a little jarring for me and did create some insecurity in me also fueled agency and fueled drive. And my mom actually was a fairly passive person.

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (28:36.204)

I think also reacting against my mom, like no one’s ever gonna say I’m sitting back and being passive, like really fueled, like, you know, if it’s gonna be, it’s up to me, like go out and get shit done. And I think that also shaped me too.

 

Yeah and I tell a story Margie about what defined my agency about being financially independent was in growing up in in the country setting that I grew up in it was commonplace every week to hear my mother say on a Monday morning, Max can you leave me a check on the dresser? Now wasn’t that mum had to beg for money it’s just that dad controlled the bank account in

 

as was done in those times, even though she was the daughter of a bank manager. And I can remember hearing that every week and it would play over in my head and I used to think, why does mum have to rely on dad to have any income? And it was a drip feed to go.

 

I’m not going to do that. I am going to be financially independent and not rely on anybody else or a man for my financial security. different story, but same impact.

 

think there’s a lot of women who have witnessed that or they witnessed their parents breaking up and dad, sure, mom got something, but she could only get, she could only do an hourly job because she hadn’t worked for years. She couldn’t afford to keep the house because she couldn’t afford the rates on it, you know, or whatever. Yeah, men aren’t a financial plan is what I would say. I’ve often said, don’t.

 

DI GILLETT: Host (30:12.046)

Exactly.

 

DI GILLETT: Host (30:19.456)

That might be a grab, Margie. aren’t a financial plan. I kind of like that. And not to be disrespectful to any of the men in our lives, but I get it.

 

Men are awesome. I’m a huge man fan. I have three awesome young sons and a great husband, But I do think as women, it’s so important for us to be rooted in both our, obviously our feminine power, but you know, some of the masculine like, you know what, you don’t need, I mean, they choose to be with someone because they make you better and they bring out your best, not because you need it. And something I’ve seen die,

 

with women so many times and it hurts my heart is women who settle for a man because it’s the best I can get because they’re afraid of being alone because they don’t feel complete without a man to protect them and I’m not saying I don’t love that my husband gives me a sense of feeling protected and we’re together, sure great, but I know I can stand on my own two feet and that was a really wonderful place to go into.

 

a relationship when I was in my 20s. Because it’s like I’ve traveled around the world. I’m extremely independent.

 

You arrived there early, Margie, because I mean I think a lot of women don’t land at that point of standing on their own, you know, feeling empowered enough to stand on their own two feet until much later in life than early 20s, so.

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (31:47.822)

Yeah, well I think that is to die. left home at 18 to move to Melbourne for university. There was no family. I had to find somewhere to live through the papers. You know, that was the Wednesday age. I, there was no school dormitory. didn’t, there was no living at Trinity college or I. You if you had that, I would have loved it. It would be awesome. I was living with random people in random.

 

Indeed, I apologize.

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (32:16.696)

sometimes like really

 

Ordinary setting, yeah.

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (32:23.87)

I mean, got something from the government because my parents

 

would have been called teese in those days, Margie.

 

But I also work three jobs and so I think by the time I got to 22, I’m four years being 100%. I mean, even before I left home, I was making all my own money, buying my own bedding. So it sort of gave that grittiness, that tenacity, resourcefulness that I think some kids, when parents are buying you your own car, when your dad’s helping you figure out how to sell or whatever,

 

You’re used to putting your hand out and not driving your own decisions.

 

actually even as a parent die, you know, my kids would never accuse me of over-parenting. I’ve been very much like, figure it out. you know, I think as they’re getting now into their twenties, they can see that they have a self-reliance and independence that even though I could have given them things that my parents couldn’t afford to give me, I’m like,

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (33:33.696)

I’ve got kids living in New York and people go, you do help them with rent? A lot of people I know help their kids with rent. I’m like, no, you want to live in New York? You need to learn how to live in New York on your school salary and in the hovel that you can afford. even though I could help you, I want you to know what it is to be poor.

 

Well, and I love that because I think there is so many parenting mistakes made of, want to give my kids everything I didn’t have. I think that point is an error and I know in my own upbringing if I was a horse rider and a dressage rider and if I wanted anything to do with livestock or anything to support that career and I didn’t have the money, I’d have to go to dad and negotiate and I had invested in.

 

a small herd of cattle, in fact, with my father. And I used to sit down and he would say, well, how many are you prepared to sell to fund what you want? And if you’re prepared to do that, I’ll tip in the shortfall. So everything was a negotiation, but nothing was just given. And I think there’s huge lessons in that. And I paid my own rent from day dot post.

 

post-Trinity and I think that plays a lot into building character.

 

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I mean, we’re all figuring out as parents and I think it’s a little more complex, but honestly, the more affluent you are, I think the more thoughtful and intentional you are. Because when you can afford to solve all your kids’ problems by buying them things and paying for them to get out of trouble and helping, okay, you didn’t go to that school because you’re expelled, let me put you in this other elite school. I think…

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (35:22.248)

Actually we can make a lot bigger mistakes and faster than when we don’t have those means.

 

So coming up, we’re going to explore bold thinking and how that can propel you forward. If you’re loving the Power of Women podcast, be sure to jump onto our YouTube channel and hit that subscribe button to ensure you never miss an episode.

 

So I’m talking with Margie Worrell, global expert and leader in human behavior. Margie, in the break, you mentioned something, a phrase, post-traumatic growth. Could you expand on that for me?

 

We’ve all heard of post-traumatic stress or post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD.

 

Post-traumatic growth is in one sense the opposite of it, though the two of them can coexist. But post-traumatic growth is when people emerge from a traumatic circumstance, traumatic experience, as a more positive, more evolved, more mature, more purposeful, more connected person than they were before.

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (36:41.866)

And so there are various things that can help to facilitate post-traumatic growth. And as I said, we can be suffering symptoms of PTSD, which I did after that armed robbery in hindsight. I didn’t recognize it at the time. had some PTSD in the, like I just completely overreacted one day, six months later when I was in Chapel Street, Melbourne, and I couldn’t find my husband who was supposed to rendezvous at a point outside Safeway or something.

 

And my brain went straight away to he’s being murdered, he’s lying in a back alley and he’s dead. And then when I found him after 20 minutes, I went hysterical. I thought you were dead, which was a completely ridiculous response. But it was clearly triggered by the experience six months earlier, the very close order of the robbery and the miscarriage that helped me, that jarred my world that bad things don’t happen to And I’m like, I was waiting for the next penny to drop.

 

What’s the next terrible thing? My husband’s going to get murdered. And so I had PTSD, which I’m pleased to say I don’t have anymore. However, I did emerge through that experience over time.

 

far more purposeful with an enlarge. actually, our mental maps of the world get smashed and we’ve got to come up with new mental maps that can incorporate that bad stuff happens and it happens to me. But that life is good and that life is worthwhile and that we can find purpose and positive things even in the hardest and harshest of circumstances.

 

And even I you know, I think back of say having the eating disorder had I not had that I might have been a little bit more judgmental and righteous about people who are stuck in cycles of addiction or in patterns of behavior that were whether it was alcoholism or gambling addicts or Shopaholics or you know, I might was sex addicts at such I’m like, for God’s sake just stop it. I might have said

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (38:52.238)

But having been in that, I knew, you know, we could just stop it. We’d just stop it.

 

Glass houses, yeah

 

Yeah, so you know more empathy all of these things and so you know I really strongly believe and now I mean I you know some people might know the name of Gabor Mate who has talked so much about this thing. and obviously I’ve only come to know him in the last couple of years but for all of us I

 

Yeah.

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (39:26.366)

I think those things that wound us, we’re all gifted and wounded by our childhoods. And those experiences that test us the most, that can sometimes just really hurt our hearts, don’t have to be things that leave massive scar tissue, would, you forevermore, I am never opening up to someone, I’m never trusting someone that make us bitter.

 

and I know it’s cliche, but I think when we can pour a lot of love into ourselves and do the work and heal ourselves, and often that’s in relationship with others, that we can actually emerge from that a fuller, deeper version of who we could become. And those experiences actually can ultimately be incredibly shaping and formative in positive ways.

 

And I absolutely applaud what you’ve said, but I also realize there is a fork in the road of going left or right when these things hit. Is there a piece of wisdom that you could share with listeners, about how you make that decision to take that?

 

and build that into the strength of character rather than allow it to pull you into the abyss.

 

Yeah, firstly I think if anyone that’s listening is in the midst of a really difficult time, this isn’t to diminish that sometimes life’s experiences can be just incredibly painful. We can feel tremendous heartache and anguish and so I don’t want to diminish that for anyone that’s going through that because it’s real.

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (41:32.302)

But I also know, and the research bears this out, as hard as it is right now, it doesn’t stay this hard forever. We often underestimate our ability to heal. And the emotions, as intense as they are right now, over time, those emotions aren’t as intense. And so I think of…

 

Victor Frankel and a book that I always recommend to everybody which is Man’s Search for Meaning and he was obviously for those some of you may know who he is already he a he was a Jewish man caught up in the Holocaust in Auschwitz but you know that in the midst of the most difficult circumstances the ultimate freedom the human freedom is to choose our response and to decide you know

 

Who it is we will be in the midst of all of these things that we would never have chosen, didn’t feel prepared for. And, you know, I wrote a lot about this in, the courage gap, like just anchoring in on who is it that you want to be and not letting what’s going on around you define who it is you want to be and putting who before do. And I think for me over the years with, you know, the 101

 

shitty things that have happened in the years since some of those experiences I’ve talked about. It’s come back, well, you know what, if I’m someone who has the capacity to rise above any circumstance, then what can I do today that will help move me in that direction? And maybe it’s just nursing the wound and giving myself time to just really cry. Maybe it’s just sharing it with someone else. Maybe it’s writing about it.

 

Maybe it’s taking myself out for a long walk under a bunch of trees because I always feel a little bit better when I’ve been in nature. But it’ll help me instead of just being a victim to the circumstance to go, no, what is it I could do that’s going to help me move through this? And there’s a phrase that life doesn’t happen to us, it happens for us. And that may sound a little cliche and patsy, but if life is

 

MARGIE WARRELL_Guest (43:43.374)

always giving you an issuing a silent invitation for you to grow in your own humanity. What might it be pointing you toward right now? And we can put a lot of energy into fighting with reality. It shouldn’t be this way. My husband shouldn’t have cheated on me. We shouldn’t have gone broke. I shouldn’t have a kid that’s got this addiction. I shouldn’t have a parent as I just went through.

 

who is I’m losing to the fog of dementia or, you know, and we can just get stuck up, stuck in railing against realities versus who is it I choose to be in the midst of all of this? And, you know, I do a lot of work in the leadership space, but the number one person we ever have to lead is ourselves and really anchoring in, you know, those values and the virtues of who it is we choose to be. And I think in our relationships that,

 

We need that most of all because it’s in our relationships that causes the most stress and heartache. And you know, I know when my brother was in and out of psych hospitals and then, you know, in trouble with the law and I was trying to help him and I was, you know, trying to give him tips on how to turn his life around. And then I just had to let go and go, this is his path to forge and he’s going to do, I mean, I can, I’ll support him, but

 

I can’t save him. And even with my kids, not that my kids have been in a circumstance like that, but they sometimes make choices that I take a breath and I’m like, know what? They’ve got their path to forge and I just love them. And maybe I point out and have them think through the second and third order consequences of decisions, but this is their path to forge.

 

their journey and their learning. But again, just choosing who is it that I choose to be. I want to be a source of love. I want to be a source of encouragement. And I want to be someone who continually shows up with some consistency on the values that I care about too.

 

DI GILLETT: Host (45:49.474)

Fantastic, Margie, that’s incredible. And I think one of the most powerful lines I take away from that, from where I started the question that led to that incredible response is, choose your response. So, or we choose our response rather than allowing circumstances to define you. And I think that’s incredibly powerful and a great message.

 

Margie, could I throw a couple of quickfire questions, rapid fire to wrap up today? What’s the bravest decision you’ve made in the past five years?

 

Ooh, five years. I know. So when I moved back to United States, I was recruited, it was the midst of deep dark COVID, to become a senior partner at Cornferry, which is a big global consulting firm. And I was in the advisory practice working with board CEOs and exec teams of the world’s biggest companies. It was a lot of status.

 

It provided a lot of nice things, including the security of income. And after my mom died two years ago, I just got so much clarity that one day I’m going to die. And I’m going to look back and I just knew that I needed to leave because I was like, you know what? You are not using your talents for the highest good here. I felt like I was starting to shrink a little. I was losing touch with

 

what I think is that makes me different. And so I chose to leave that. And you know what, going back out on my own, you know, one is that, yes, there’s the financial salary that yeah, do I miss that? Sure. I know over time I’ll make up for it. But I think for me, that was a brave thing to do. But by the same token, I’ll also say I knew I had to do it. I just had to do it because actually it was more, what would have been more terrifying to me is not to do it.

 

DI GILLETT: Host (47:54.786)

Yeah, wow, thank you. And for a woman listening right now who feels unseen, what would you want her to hear from you?

 

would say pour love into those parts of you that feel like you’re not enough and that feel unseen and just extend grace into yourself and all of the kindness and things that you’ve given to others, like really pour it into you and know that you are innately worthy and wholly adequate and

 

And I believe fully seen by God, whether people believe that God or not, believe that. And I would just say, just know that who you are and your worth and your value is not determined by anybody else. It is just innate and intrinsic in you.

 

Could you finish this sentence for me? Bravery is.

 

fear walking.

 

DI GILLETT: Host (49:04.814)

Amazing. Margie, there is so many valuable insights from the story that you have shared and you have been extraordinarily generous in sharing some pretty challenging circumstances that you faced into through your life. But more importantly, how you’ve actually come through that out the other end and are now applying that to a

 

purpose-led life, think that is just incredibly inspiring. So thank you so very much for the candid conversation today. If somebody wants to engage your services, Margie, how do they do that?

 

Well, you can just head over to my website, margieworal.com and obviously there’s books there. I actually just launched a brand new course on LinkedIn that people might enjoy doing. It is just the best quality and highest production quality course I have ever done. It’s super exciting.

 

But you can find everything on my website, just for anyone who would like more. And I also have my own podcast called the Live Brave podcast that people are welcome to check out wherever you’re listening to this, you’ll find the Live Brave podcast too.

 

Wonderful. I’m sure there are many more powerful stories there. Margie, thank you so much. think the best advice I can give anybody is share this episode with somebody you think might just need a little bit of help in getting over a dose of adversity or a setback or a feeling of self doubt because there is so many messages that are uplifting and

 

DI GILLETT: Host (50:52.844)

Choose your response is going to be one of the ones that I’m going to keep replaying. Margie Worrell, thank you so much. Until next time.

 

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